Journey Beyond Survival

I'm a lucky ducky. Because I am guest posting for my friend Ryan @ No More Bacon today. He-like me-has a child on the autism spectrum. But most importantly, he's doing something about it! He ran a 5k for Autism Speaks, and he is sponsoring a giveaway in which he is coming up with crazy amounts of fundraising cash for his favorite cause. Most of all, you should come read me over there because Mr. unBacon is incredibly inspiring. Come on over and read about the beginning or view his inspirational progress photos . C'mon. Please? *photo by puritani35*

Fambly. It is what bwings me togevah today. Fambly. Dat bwessed Awwangement, that dweam wifin a dweam. Sometimes I feel like "Kari the Babyschitter" in Jack Jack Attack! *twitch* *twitch* Other times I feel like everything is coming up roses. What is it today? The Chiclets aren't up yet. Though last night Beansprout peed on a tree at the park. Who closes the park restrooms from Labor Day to Memorial Day? HUH? Apparently we do. Then at home he 'fessed that he lied and actually had an accident. SHOWER. Miss THANG asked me for twenty things she knew I would say no to and held it against me for an hour. I swear this was before she'd even been out of school twenty minutes. Chickadee is eating again-thanks for the prayers and good thoughts-and we only missed one drink because she was sleeping. I even called 3 doctors I've been meaning to along with the service coordinator for her 5 therapists. Two doctors were mine for a change. We've been eating di...

After last week, I'm ready to get back on track. We're traveling to Nawth Cackilacky (North Carolina) for miss THANG's Spring Break. I'm getting ready. I'm ready to get my 20 miles in. I've noticed my back hurting a lot since missing three days in a row. My knees have been hurting too. That hasn't happened in over 6 weeks. Which makes me feel good. So I guess I'm a convert to the steady benefits of exercise. Time to get BACK ON TRACK! How're you doing with your exercise? C'mon I'll be your cheerleader. *photo by Naztrida*

Bad news. The happy Nutritionist came on Wednesday. She likes that I feed Chickadee ground up things like broccoli and poached eggs. She is my favorite personal cheerleader. But. Chickadee lost weight. How ironic that this is bad in my life. Chickadee also grew. For the second month in a row. She is two pounds down and one centimeter up. This is the cause for my missed runs and funky 'tude. She's going to need a GI pediatric specialist. They need to do a study of her digestion. I don't want to do this-add another doctor-again Pray if that is what you do. Think happy for us if you remember. *photo by Sighlent J*

Friday March 19th, 2010 Current weight: 202.4 lb. Difference: -maintained BMI: 28.2 Difference: -0.4 (from previous posting) Saturday March 27th, 2010 Current weight: 200.2 lb. Difference: -2.2 lb BMI: 27.9 Difference: -0.3 Woo Hoo! I'd thought that 202 was completely unrealistic when it happened on the 16th. Now I'm very happy with this descent. My brain is keeping up with it now. Also, I'm a bit nervous about being in onederland. Okay a lot. No, I don't know why. And I also wouldn't like to expound. I've been a bit of an emotional wreck this week. I'll post more tomorrow. Sorry about neglecting the weigh-in last week I was Out of Town . After I'd posted my recaps of the event, it was Wednesday and it seemed silly to post it so close to another one. So for now- I'm excited and pleased and happy. How are you guys doing? *photo by desi.dorite*

Tragedies happen. For the times in life when you're on autopilot . Consider the possibilities. Your Booty Guard Dog will: Sniff out healthy food Insist on weighing every day. Find all the demons in the house. Le evil sucre bin 1/2 of Beansprout's birthday cake mix miss THANG's brownie saved for 'after Lent' When shopping, the Booty Guard Dog will 'encourage' healthy sections of the store. Especially by biting when taken into the cookie aisle. Booty Guard Dog will even help if you refuse to take him to the store. When you're bringing in the groceries, the Booty Guard Dog will rip contraband to shreds. It will require at least 5,000 human steps a day. Or there will be 'consequences'.

When taking Ambien: Hide car keys in an unusual place Chain and lock the fridge Remove phone battery Nobody likes to feel out of control. Life can catch us off guard. Sometimes it is a medical issue that haunts us: I whine repeatedly about being on medicine that is "known to be responsible for significant amounts of weight gain". Try 10+ pounds! Not to mention the other medicine that caused 35 pound weight gain even though I only took it for a month. Not water weight. Believe me. Helen at Doing A 180 has a thyroid condition. She said, "I was running 40-50 miles a week, eating just enough to sustain myself and gained 25 pounds?!" Other times we are told to buck up. To move on. Get over "it". Sometimes it's a mental issue: I know you guys are dreadfully sick of me and my Elephants but, Elephants can kill us. I don't know very many bloggers[people] that admit this. But one in four of us have a mental disorder . Even if I take two of them (j...

Who hasn't stayed up for stupid reasons? Because the tv was on, or the stove wasn't clean yet, or the blog wasn't written yet. I've even stayed up for good-sometimes what could be termed saintly-reasons. Packing for hospital trips, massaging Hubbend's poor stressed back, doing laundry so miss THANG can be all Pink for the day. In life we have so many things that are beyond control. One thing that I don't have control of is the night. Something about those witching hours of 2 AM to 5 AM brings out the worst in my family. Chickadee and her late night concerts, Beansprout and his boney-at times paranoid-perpendicular body, miss THANG and odd emergencies that tend to happen the same time as the others. Even Hubbend plays along. He tosses and turns. Or he cuddles. I'm not a cuddler. I've worked very hard. Like this: Regardless, I'm sure that you in all aspects of life can relate. Be it yowling cats in the night, or roommates coming in at 3 AM...

I grouped the following together because they had similar questions: Leslie "What were some of the sessions? Could you pick which you attended? Did you meet Roni?" Yes, I met Roni. She was so sweet, and she remembered me because I was a whiny brat trying to come. I was flattered. KatDoesDiets "I want to hear about what you learned in the sessions? What were the most valuable things to you?" I liked the one about getting published best because I want to write. I really appreciated all of them though. Kyle and Darci said..."What were some of the most informative things you learned in the sessions?" Here are all of my notes from the 4 breakout sessions and keynote speaker. Completely unedited-sorry. My Facebook Page They are in the notes. Workout Mommy great pictures---and why didn't I get the chance to meet you? Your flattery gives you away. I am a shy dork sometimes. You were so popular... Really, I looked over and even headed your way a c...

The award rules: Thank the person who gave you the Sugar Doll award. Write why you were given the award. Pass the award on to 5 bloggers who have made your life a little sweeter and write how they have done that. Notify them of the award. My favorite wise-cracker Leslie who has been so supportive, that she's even made me cry a couple of times. In the good way. I don't think Leslie could ever hurt someone on purpose. She's working on being the New Kneelable Wonder and has more wisdom in her pinkie than most people I know. Put together. So head over there, because it's just oozing all over the place and all you have to do is brush it with you mouse and presto! You're a better person. Yes. She is that good. REALLY. Leslie, you have a quiz later on that paragraph. I know you skim compliments. Thank you so much. Also, Matt @ Lots to Lose gave me this award this last night and I found it today. Sorry it took me till this evening to post it. Matt is inspiring b...

I take terrible pictures. It's true. Isn't that disappointing? It is to me. Especially after being flattered when you all thought maybe I took the photos I use for my blogs. (snicker) Helen, you just put that weapon down. Yeah, that mouse you're clutching so hard. I did my best dear. FitBloggin was fabulous. Roni did an excellent job planning delegating and inviting people. Thanks so much Roni! MrsFatass , Fiterella , and Steve Do you think the shakiness is the excitement or the new iPhone? When I got lost on the 5K run. It was kinda scary, and kinda fun, and REALLY annoying because I was in my groove. Marisa, Steve, MrsFatass , FitInMyHeart , and other wonderful bloggers that I didn't get their names. BOO. Jen @ Watch My Butt Shrink Bump Grow blogging One of the sessions My delicious lunch. Books from Barnes and Noble My wish list has just quadrupled. The post conference Jell-O reception with sushi bar My view from my window. So pretty. So, do you al...

Hi. I'm the high strung blogger who can't sleep because she's so excited. Yep. I only got lost 10 times. So I was very late. Oh well. I was so nervous anyway. I was nervous about checking in, wearing ratty jeans and a pom-pom in my hair. Also 10 hours in a car-even with gum-gave me VeryBadBreath. Poor Check-In Girl. But you know, the hotel room was quiet and beautiful and I could do anything I wanted to at all. So I sat down and got on the internet. Very happy. Then, I got on Twitter. People at FitBloggin' were tweeting about being here . Which was sort of surreal. One of my very favorites, MrsFatass even asked where I was. Ohmygoodness. I tweetered back and before I knew it I was with her. And Steve . MrsFatass is a celebrity in my book. So nice, so friendly, so fabulous. Steve is an inspiration with his workouts. He does this torture called ARC trainer almost everyday. And he runs 5 miles outside. Which he claims is harder than the treadmill. I m...

While Driving Alone 10 Hours to FitBloggin' Stay Awake Action Packed Horror striking terror in my heart book on CD Drink a lot of water Kegels marathon Kegels to William Tell Overture learn the words to My Theme Song Eating Chew Gum Gum helps your olfactory senses diminish in the gas station Gum prevents the poor drive thru receptionist from understanding you Gum necessitates walking across green turffy stuff called 'grass' to throw it away. Enjoy a chance to breathe. Pack REAL FOOD -insert duh- Eliminating--problems-- Assess. Think of birds, think of puppies and of vacuuming. If problem persists drive for 50 more miles and adjust your seatbelt. Upon discovery of problem being real; plan to exit. scope the countryside for likely solutions In the event that the only solutions available are yellowing in every hue, be careful DO NOT SIT ON THE POTTY!

This post is best read with SnapShots at my sight. I promise. Beansprout was pestering yesterday. That is really close to an onomatopoeia . Pester. Pester. Pester. It was a beautiful day. Spring seems to have finally sprung in the northern regions of the hemisphere. It was a perfect day to go outside and just be. Soak up free Vitamin D. Watch the birds. Let Chickadee attempt to eat grass for twenty minutes. Days made for savoring. That was when I realized something. I'm still the mom that wants to sit on the couch. I want to sit on the couch and be "too tired" or "busy" or "occupied with Chickadee". Now, I know that I have been working out a lot. This has been my in-head excuse for not being the NewAndImproved Energizer Mommy. That and we really don't want to swing the pendulum to m anic. Nope, nope nope. I suppose there is the fear mixed with lazy. Sounds like a recipe. Pinch of 'a rutt' and stir with laissez faire. I'...

I'm a little bit scared. I whined like a 10 year old child asked if there were any more tickets going to be opened up for FitBloggin' . I pouted. I ranted on Other People's Blogs and gave up. Then, wonder of wonders the skies parted and tickets became available. Wahoo! So I signed up immediately after I cursed the credit card company for processing my payment all day, tried to add new cards to my paypal and laughed a little hysterically at Hubbend when he asked what was wrong. But now-being anonymous and all-I wonder if I should be a camouflage wallpaper person like the depression commercials. Or should I be as loud and obnoxious as my type suggests? Hmmm. What a wonderful Hubbend I have. That appreciates me so much. Ahhh. So, what's your vote? Both sides of me are real. Yes, I am obnoxious (in private which unfortunately seems to apply to this blog) and I am also quiet (in public which qualifies as this event)

No worries. I've discovered the reason for Chickadee's little TIRADE on Sunday. I neglected to get her some of her medicine filled at the DESPICABLE PHARMACY who only takes a week to fill my prescriptions. Nothing to worry about. I just gave her a TON of fiber paste. Oh, yeah. That little medical problem which was causing extreme grumpiness and requires fiber? Let's just say she had an outbox that was full. Stuffed. Helping Chickadee with that problem is like helping with labor. Nuff said? I thought so. What is fiber paste you ask? My little magical recipe that one of her doctors gave me. More fiber than you want to think about. Beansprout begs for it when I'm giving it to Chickadee. It's that good. Speaking of fiber-yes, I am rubbing my hands evilly-have we ever discussed it? I didn't think so. Why is it that fiber is usually followed by "Ew!" and "Ugh!" I grew up in an insanely well educated home regarding fiber. My mot...

I hate it when an epiphany strikes. More often than not, it sets off rumblings that threaten to bring down an avalanche. Writing that post yesterday got me thinking-which we all know is terribly dangerous-about those dastardly circumstances. I thought about the twenty pounds that are gone, and I thought about the thirty-two pounds left. All in the mother's lounge at church. Chickadee made up her mind that she wanted to show with all her might that she is indeed a two-year-old. She wasn't quiet, she was throwing a tantrum. The whole time. Which gave me entirely too much time to think. I thought stupid thoughts, such as: What did I do to deserve this? Why on earth is this happening? And then came the thought that I have never let myself think. The one that I am ashamed of. Take it all back. Just take it all away. Yes, that was me talking to my Father in Heaven. Chickadee woke up and started having even more of a fit, so much so that I had to take her out to the van a...

To the Net Weight it May Concern: Due to current flight restrictions we need to cut ties with at least 20 pounds. The following pounds listed below will be dismissed effective immediately. To the remaining 32 pounds, consider this your eviction notice. You can either leave voluntarily right away, or be forcibly removed within the upcoming months. Pounds 222.6-217 The FURLOUGH pounds. You told me it was cheaper to eat crap. You made me feel guilty for not eating treats from the people helping my family. You whispered I failed when we couldn't buy Christmas. I've got news for you: you were wrong. We're STRONGER, more hopeful, and happier. You have no right to squat on the edge of my consciousness anymore. There's no such thing as squatters' rights in psychological warfare. Pounds 216-211 The MOURNING pounds. You made life livable without spending months in bed. You paid for my inability to talk through the HELL I was going through. You aren't so many, ...

I've been thinking things through. I don't know if I'm going in the right direction! Twenty odd pounds, twenty miles in a week. Is it really worth it? This is getting expensive I need new pants the kool kids buy organic food My shoes are wearing out after 3 months This takes too much time I never used to think so hard While a creative outlet, blogging uses up all of my extra TV and FB time Exercise makes me feel high I think that's against my religion This is hard I don't like getting up early I miss sugar I'm dreaming of cinnamon rolls baked by cupcakes I don't think this obsession can be healthy Hubbend is planning an intervention My powdered sugar and butter are lonely Beansprout needs fatty nourishment I think I might be going the wrong way. Or facing the wrong direction? I really DON'T know what to do! *photo by ninpou_kobanashi* Jack Sh*t gave me some inspiration as I was haunting his archives.

BLOGGING I've never experienced so many people doing the same thing in the same creative space. It's been inspirational. candle method: write something everyday like this- I AM HERE. nuclear method: blogstalk everyone you can find with a blog while referencing their followers for future use. COMPETITION With myself of course. My favorite kind. candle method: increase speed slowly so I don't notice. brag daily on dailymile-I DID IT! nuclear method: walk/run/crawl/roll 20 miles. yell with caps-BOOYAH!-on dailymile. MORAL OBLIGATION Nothing better than a promise. Especially when it's with God. candle method: start a modest blog with the pledge to blog everyday for accountability nuclear method: completely abstain from the biggest crutch in my scotch taped life in order to 'adopt' Lent. LOVING MY NEIGHBOR IN THE MIRROR Considering she's coming along anyway, I want it to be pleasant. candle method: get enough sleep. compliment once daily in mirror. nucl...

I drove around yesterday for an hour. I haunted all our favorite neighborhoods in SmallTown. Beansprout and Chickadee were happily entertained by Curious George. Did I mention that I love our new van? Oh yeah. I think I did. Heh. I didn't find it. Something better that is. I've been staying up at night thinking. Or when Chickadee wakes up for her nightly romp with glee, I drift in and out of sleep listening to her Raspberry Revival. I'm worried. Our Real Estate venture has been on my mind. We made a shortsale offer. It has stairs. Stairs in front entrance. Step in garage. Stairs in back. The main level has a formal living room, and dining room with a kitchen that has no space. None for a table. Family room in basement. Four bedrooms upstairs and a possible playroom in the attic. Downtown SmallTown, pedestrian access to park, library, farmers' market, river. Perfect. Except I forgot about the wheelchair. The pink one we don't have yet. She'...

Today I slept in. Because I haven't in a couple of weeks. No, just kidding. I slept in today because I stayed up late last night trying to catch up. I don't know what I'm trying to catch up to, I just know that I vaguely remember being able to do better. Exhausting right? I read a blog post yesterday that exhausted me because she was expecting way too much of herself in my opinion. I'm afraid I tried to explain that to her, gently of course. I can be gentle. What I realized after I posted my comment was that I needed to apply the information to myself. I'm the one trying way too hard to do way too many things. Too fast and too well. I'm sure that it is possible, but it's like running at a marathon winning pace of 12mph for me. I am incapable of succeeding at that. Not exactly rocket science right? So, sorry dear Sarah. It's not you. It's me tending toward Unattainable Perfectionism. I am being gentler to myself today. I stayed asl...

*photo by designladen.com* We actually had winners. I can't really believe it. It turns out that two Someones figured it out. Or lucked out. I am an excellent mathematician. I hate math. I'm not good at it Math is the only thing I've ever failed a class in I've only failed classes that I neglected to withdraw from. Don't ask I sang in front of a U.S. President Although I did sing in my high school Madrigals, I never even got close I love seafood That would be a strong word Seafood is what happens when I'm served inedible food I don't hate seafood I enjoy street racing I HATE street racing My truck has been stuck in a clam bar up to it's axles Yes. Sigh. Hubbend is adventurous. It took a really big tow truck and he barely beat the tide. I'm so glad I only saw it in pictures. I may have said unforgivable things. The lucky winners are . . . Lisa at One Mom's Eating Recovery, and Elizabeth at My Backdoor. Sooo, Lisa and Elizabeth. What is yo...

*photo by Norman Rockwell* Goal #1 for my Me So Hongry mini challenge was to FIX REAL FOOD . Apparently this is a bigger problem for me than I thought. Denial. Not just the name of a river in Egypt. I was thinking that I did just fine with this. I got a little busy sometimes, and picked up fast food. Also, there were a few days that I didn't have time to fix dinner and so we ate pantry scroungings. But I thought MOST OF THE TIME I got a great meal on the table. HA, HA HA HA. That is so NOT true. Sorry. I'll stop yelling at you with my type. I hadn't realized how badly off track I was until I began to track myself for this challenge. Really trying hard resulted in me getting 4 dinners on the table. Dinners that did not resemble even remotely my ideals. You know the ones. Freeze your eyeballs. Don't you dare let them roll! Yes, it is the Tasty Food, Real Food, and Simple Food. I'm heaving sighs of deep realization. Chickadee and her requisite li...

Apparently I am a pathological liar creative writer. I suppose this is what comes from being anonymous and not posting pictures eh? Oh well. I can live with that. Thank you to Waisting Time who is an excellent thought provoking truth bender creative writer. Because this was a lot of fun! Here are my outrageous lies creative interpretations of my life with one real life truth: I am an excellent mathematician. Math is the only thing I've ever failed a class in I sang in front of a U.S. President I love seafood Seafood is what happens when I'm served inedible food I enjoy street racing My truck has been stuck in a clam bar up to it's axles Give it your best guess. Hit me up in the comments below, and I'll give a prize to the winner! Um . . . You can pick between me writing a guest post for you, me picking graphics for your post, and me never bothering you on your blog again. Vie my pretties. Vie. Here are my awardees: Traci @ Don't Call Me Lady Roxie @ ...

-photo by everyeskimo- Current weight: 205.4 lb. Difference: -2.6 lb. BMI: 28.6 Difference: -0.4 % body fat: 30.27% Difference: -1.73% I'm a little skeptical. Because I've been 207 all week except Monday and Tuesday which are my historic low days. I'm ecstatic to see the number, but I have trust issues with this scale. However, it must have reformed because no matter how much time I've given it between weighs it is exactly the same. I generally don't drop quickly and maintain it. My weight sort of spirals downward with highs and lows trending less but fluctuating 2-3 pounds. I'm hedging my bets aren't I? Well, there we have it and I'm gonna do my best to beat it next week. I'm 205.4!! Woo-hoo! goal I've been rethinking my goals. I want to break down my current goals, and make them more achievable. Or punch up some of my other goals and get more motivated and driven by them. I was listening to this last night: Setting Goals It really h...

Stressful day. We had non-stop action yesterday. Now we are prepping to go on a 7 hour round trip for another Dr. appointment. I'm hoping it will go smoothly. All the tests have come back great for now. Her skills are back. I almost feel like canceling the appointment. But, maybe the lung Dr. will give us a year before we have to come back. That would be nice. So, we go. The best part about this? I've been able to handle the stress so far. Are you sure you read that right? I am. This exercise thing is TOTALLY AWESOME! I know, I'm dating myself. Who cares? You know home life is stressful when a dr. appt. means a break! Ta for now! I'll try to swing by your blogs at the hospital.

I'm tired of me whining! I'm tired of "woe". Not today. FUNK OVER! In the spirit of Bootstraps and good ole Pollyanna, I'm introducing the Survival Family Homework Game. Every time we whine or complain too much, we have to list 10 good things about our life. Here goes: Chickadee has bounced back to most of her old abilities! Beansprout adores his bicycle bell. ---as if kids on bikes aren't already annoying-just add bells Miss THANG doesn't complain about practicing ballet this week We have a new-to us-wheelchair adaptable minivan Said minivan has a DVD player! Said minivan has a sunroof AND heated seats ---Ooooohohoho. Really, it was for Chickadee that we got the van I am the proud new owner of an automatic door/backhatch key fob! ---for avoiding splatting-food and otherwise-in the parking lot It's not too bad to be interrupted by visitors in the middle of exercise. It's even okay when pit stains are involved. Birthday cake and ice cream can...

Hospice says Hubbend's Dad has 6-8 weeks left. Now I suppose I'm in denial because I don't really feel anything about it. I'm hurting for Hubbend though. He calls his dad and vents for a couple of hours sometimes. They debate really loudly over stupid stuff, and argue loudly from the same side of the same answer. It's family bondage time that they really really love. Hubbend is devastated. And lost. Angry at the world for 5 minutes, then Love 'em While You've Got 'em the next. We will be going down there the first week of April. I don't know that it will be soon enough, or if the kids are going to be just too much for someone in pain and waning. I'm supposed to make him a memory book. I'm floundering for things to say because I'm a void. My little sister-the one that THIS happened to-had a miscarriage last week. And I just don't know how much more loss can happen in one little circle. *photo credit*

Today is Beansprout's birthday. That's right, in order to further my child's voracious appetite for reading, I gave birth to him on the same day as Dr. Suess. Lucky boy. I walked into a store one year and bought a 50th anniversary edition of The Cat in the Hat and realized it once and for all. I'd given birth to a genius by virtue of his birthdate. Actually, I couldn't have planned his delivery date if I'd tried. Beansprout gave me Braxton Hicks for two weeks. TWO WEEKS! Anyone who's ever seen this episode of friends knows that the entire world does not take Braxton Hicks seriously. No, I got so sick of going into the office and the hospital and they were telling me, "Oh, you're at about a 1" or "Oh, you're at about a 2. That's normal for a woman who's had a child. Go home. Take a walk and come in if it gets worse." I wanted to scream at them. I wanted to yank the stinking equipment out of the wall and throw it...

For some reason after Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, I'm feeling a bit deflated. I've been overeating a little bit, not quite drinking as much water, just little things. Nothing is adding up yet. I want to be pumped for the new week. But, compared to last Monday, I'm as flat as a whoopie cushion. But darn it all, I care about my 20 mile goal, and I care about my Sit Down Dinners pledge for the challenge, and maybe most of all I'm committed to my adopted Lenten promise of No Sugar, so I can't get into that much trouble this week. I don't think it's TOM time, and I don't really have S.A.D.D. to blame so much. So, it's just a perturbing day. *photo credit*