Journey Beyond Survival

I've been thinking things through. I don't know if I'm going in the right direction! Twenty odd pounds, twenty miles in a week. Is it really worth it? This is getting expensive I need new pants the kool kids buy organic food My shoes are wearing out after 3 months This takes too much time I never used to think so hard While a creative outlet, blogging uses up all of my extra TV and FB time Exercise makes me feel high I think that's against my religion This is hard I don't like getting up early I miss sugar I'm dreaming of cinnamon rolls baked by cupcakes I don't think this obsession can be healthy Hubbend is planning an intervention My powdered sugar and butter are lonely Beansprout needs fatty nourishment I think I might be going the wrong way. Or facing the wrong direction? I really DON'T know what to do! *photo by ninpou_kobanashi* Jack Sh*t gave me some inspiration as I was haunting his archives.

I've gotten to my 20 miles in a week goal. That means that I will easily make my 500 miles in 2010 goal. As long as I don't get injured or something. All I have to get is 10 miles a week and I would have 520 miles. So, the more weeks I get 20 miles the better off I will be. Hooray! My next goal is to be able to run @ 6.0 mph for 30 minutes. If I increase by 0.1 mph every week I should be there in 6 weeks. Anyway, I've been reflecting on how these goals have really helped me complete my exercise goals without any debate in the morning. Even on the weekends or when crazy unpredictable life moments happen. Now, if only I could motivate myself to reach some of my own stronger goals. I do my best when I'm out to beat myself. I get a thrill out of doing better than before. I love to record my stats over a long period of time, and then review them. This is why I love dailymile . It has pretty graphs that track my distance, intensity, speed, etc. It also taunts...

Did you see that? A monster is coming. I've set traps. I drink a lot of water. It acts as a moat. But the monster swam it. I ate a healthy apple. Satiate the appetite. Somehow, the monster knew I missed breakfast. I had handy dandy snacks in the car. To tame the beast. Unfortunately the monster was only momentarily deterred. When stress came, I blogged far away from food. Monster followed me. It had conversation hearts. I thought of my friends, the ones I will blog to. The monster cowered. I teased a few friends on daily mile. Taunting, the monster showed me a cupcake. I wavered. My hubbend left me for a week to take care of ill parents. The monster hovered over me. It had the conversation hearts and the cupcakes together. But, I had to finish my post. I had to finish commenting on my friends' blogs. Miss THANG came home from ballet. It was time for dinner. The monster is melted. For now . . .

So, I've been thinking about this a lot since Saturday. I posted about my 'elephants in the room'. Or, the reasons why I'm anonymous on Blogger. I expected to have a mass exodus of followers leaving my blog. Because-living incognito-I hear a lot of opinions on bipolar. Most of them are NOT good. I did not expect an outpouring of support and friendship. I did not expect people to be accepting. Huh. Add into that the fact that Chickadee has a test this week, and I found out yesterday she needs glasses. This is where my cookie derailment began. I ate five Saturday. Five the next day. Two on Monday and the cookies were gone. Yesterday I opened a bag of gummi worms and 3 Musketeers minis and had a serving of the first and 1/2 a serving of the second. So, I will have to start over again on the weaning myself off sugar. I've been wondering. Why did I do that? Was it because I do not accept myself as much as the commenters? Or because I was fearing rejecti...

So. I want to run faster. I want to run longer. I don't care about my weight on the treadmill right now. I just want to really be able to say I'm running! I want to do 5 full push-ups. I want to do 10 girl push-ups without my arms shaking. I want to do 150 crunches this way that way and any way. I want to get those 'unreachable' lower abs rock solid. What do you want?