We are taught so early to hate ourselves. Interesting isn't it? When the entire cultural 'Golden Rule' relies upon us loving others as we love ourselves. I don't know when it happened. But I rebelled. When I eat too much dinner, or I buy ice cream, I no longer motivate myself by screaming inwardly. I don't need toxic levels of disgust to be consistent. It's strange. It happened after psychosis, and it happened after my daughter Chickadee was diagnosed with Rett Syndrome. Until that point in my life I had never truly felt like I was incapable. I had always told myself I was horrible, selfish, fat, and so on, but I felt like I could change those labels at any time. I felt motivated by berating myself because there seemed to be an actual chance of change. I did therapy, I lost weight, I managed stress. I earned an extra 4-8 years undiagnosed. I helped Chickadee escape diagnosis too. We did our own therapy every day. Because of my training I k...
The life of a train wrecked woman, trying to get back on track.