Journey Beyond Survival

I have four days without my guys. Given my state yesterday, I think its time to plan FOOD. When I feel generously well fed in a healthy way, I don't feel as much like bingeing when I feel taken care of. No need to wander. I also have less than a week before I depart on my secret trip. My mother is coming here. That means it's time to do SPRING CLEANING. A lot of it. Like it's time to call 1-800-GOT-JUNK. But, I'm not going to freak out about it. I know freakin out. I'm not going to clean so much that it becomes more important than feeding Chickadee, or an impediment to miss THANG's active play. I'm not even going to clean so much that it takes away my blog time. I need those minutes added into an hour or two a day. They keep me from freakin again. So do my exercisin minutes. That severely limits my cleaning exorcism. As well as my food planning opportunities. But, I'm okay with that now. I'm okay with dropping the spinning pl...

For a quick synopsis. I went to FitBloggin March 19th. Washington DC on March 31st North Carolina on April 1st Chickadee presented her Cement Colon April 2nd I got little exercise and lots of drama for one week I met MrsFatass I went home to small town Midbest on April 12th Chickadee received her new wheelchair on April 13th April 15th was when I tortured Chickadee. I also binged on a full plate of cookies April 15th Hubbend's Daddy died April 16th I threw tantrums at Chickadee's nurses and pleaded with her doctors I finally got a Pediatric GI appointment in July I pled with the Developmental Pediatrician She got Chickadee "jackhammers" for her cement problem Chickadee got an earlier appointment for June Hubbend came home Ten hours later we went to Chicago I taught the women's meeting at church I went to Indianapolis on Monday Yesterday I had two of Chickadee's therapists come I did laundry for my Beansprout and Hubbend leaving for Phoenix Why? Because I...

I've been having nightmares. I dream that I'm mixing up icing under the counter-as in days of yore-and I'm slathering it across sugar cookies that I made just for me. Nothing else, just the intense rush of biting into that flaky crisp cookie and the sensation of the creamy icing on my tongue. I wouldn't be having a problem with it if it were just as I were waking up. That kind of a dream I can dismiss easily since my brain has gone a long time without crazy pills. Just kidding. But it is the easiest time for me to push aside that world and firmly plant my feet in this. What's been getting me caught in the rain is this: Chickadee has been taking two naps a day. Yes, it is the 4:30 AM coming back to haunt her. So, I lay down with her. I am so tired from her wake up call that I have been falling asleep for ten minutes or so. In that small amount of time, I'm having that CRACK dream. I swear I could be sweating when I jerk awake. Even then, I probably wou...

A few things that have been out of sync in my life recently that are now in sync. sleep Chickadee's therapy ALL Chickadee's doctors on the same page cleaning house A few things planned to be in sync that weren't in sync and still aren't exercise miss THANG's entourage of playmates [playdates] sterilized house [okay, so even a house that can be classified as clean] flowers all planted Things that are still going drastically wrong Four THIRTY AM wakeup call by rooster Chickadee for a week. exercise clearing out my google reader consistently commenting late for appointments So, while I try again to straighten out my wheels and balance my bubble in the middle, let's talk about you. How do you prioritize your life 1-5. The most important things to you? *photo by zoe.muscat*

The best part of yesterday was either planting flowers or Getting my kids into bed by 7:12 PM. What would you prefer? *Photo #4 by Green Wellies*

So here is what you wonderful people have helped me accomplish: I went to the grocery store and picked up Two bags of apples Vegetable tray Two bags of salad I took care of myself in the absence of Hubbend I spent time by myself rejuvenating (blogging) I walked for an hour with Chickadee I took a shower I was loving but firm I remained an adult in every situation I did not let someone else be in charge of me When necessary I implemented tools FOGGING, WORKABLE COMPROMISE, and BROKEN RECORD I remembered a few key elements Training Wheels thanks Waisting Time. I feel better. Thanks for putting up with my 'tantrum'. You are all really my lifeline. I'm certain I would be floundering if it weren't for all of you. Thanks so very much! Now back to the Hubbend and the den of lions house stuffed full of loving relatives. *photo by shutterblog*

Fambly. It is what bwings me togevah today. Fambly. Dat bwessed Awwangement, that dweam wifin a dweam. Sometimes I feel like "Kari the Babyschitter" in Jack Jack Attack! *twitch* *twitch* Other times I feel like everything is coming up roses. What is it today? The Chiclets aren't up yet. Though last night Beansprout peed on a tree at the park. Who closes the park restrooms from Labor Day to Memorial Day? HUH? Apparently we do. Then at home he 'fessed that he lied and actually had an accident. SHOWER. Miss THANG asked me for twenty things she knew I would say no to and held it against me for an hour. I swear this was before she'd even been out of school twenty minutes. Chickadee is eating again-thanks for the prayers and good thoughts-and we only missed one drink because she was sleeping. I even called 3 doctors I've been meaning to along with the service coordinator for her 5 therapists. Two doctors were mine for a change. We've been eating di...

Family really affects my ability to function. The well being of my children is a factor, but also my extended family. I grew up knit so closely with my brothers and sisters that I think we felt like the largest living organism in the world. Not that we were the biggest family, but that we were connected together underneath just as importantly as we stood alone outside. I depend on family. They depend on me. We've been shaken the past year. It's been with me heavier since this weekend. My nephew died, a month and a half later my grandmother died. In May my own personal tour of Dante's Inferno began. Chickadee began losing words like they were diamonds in sand. Then skills, and finally she ended up in a rocking hell all her own for two months. In July came the diagnosis for Rett Syndrome came. We did more tests in 2009 than I ever thought possible. But, we weren't finished. Hubbend's mother had a double mastectomy because for the third time her breast ...