Journey Beyond Survival

We are NOT in first! Please text 100842 to 73774. Vote with Facebook AND Email. Please!!!! LAST day!!! I am on my phone and I can't do much. Please help.

In other words, I'm having far too much fun.

I am on vacation. I'll be back when I don't have to tap out posts. Or try dial-up like some people pretend to be homesteaders circa the dinosaur age.

I am HERE . I had hoped to get farther, but I know this place like the back of my hand. Okay, not that specific site, but it gives you the flavor of the town. We stopped here once upon a time when my entire family decided to conspire against me and vomit. Hubbend. Chickadee. miss THANG. Beansprout. Somehow I survived. A stop with a McDonalds, grocery store, and nice hotels is memorable at that point. Did you know that Handicapped Accessible rooms have parking spaces right in front of them? With exterior doors? Ahhh. Perfect for the war-torn woman traveling with three kids. I didn't realize that Hubbend was actually leaving me. Not until he called me from inside the airplane to tell me he'd made it onboard. We'd stopped a THIRD time for miss THANG to go potty at an oasis. Chickadee was not happy. Beansprout thought peeing in a cup was novel, so he had done it again unnecessarily. When Hubbend said, "I'll see you again in time for the reunion...

Well, I really know how to travel. You know I do right? I mean, who could travel and zigzag across the country as much as I do without being TOTALLY AWESOME at it. Unless the kids get sick of course. Or there is trouble. But we have AAA and cell phones. So much easier than those people in the olden days that had wagons making their own roads in the prairie. Who just died when something went wrong. I get to go home to my mommy while Hubbend is gone. I may just tweet across America. At rest stops of course. There is no greater way to see America than through it's rest stops full of colon cement. But, now that I'm learning so much by making mini 7 hour trips all the time for Chickadee's doctor visits, I'm recognizing that there is so much more. So, if you don't follow me on Twitter- DO IT. If you don't do Twitter you may just want to get an account. I may not be worth it to you, but @MrsFatass, @NoMoreBacon, @YumYucky, @SkinnySushi, @Fitarella, @S...

Did I tell you it's a crazy week? Chickadee started preschool I am writing during Chickadee's school We're working on a mortgage Hubbend is going to Deutschland I am going to Utah I am pulling my kids out of school so we can go We're going to Big City 3 1/2 hours away TODAY Chickadee is getting a g-tube and this is her consult. I'm just going to do my best and know that I'm good enough right now . After all, I've got plenty of friends to support me . Friends that make me laugh , and let me know it's okay to cry. (that really is a compliment) I hope you all are doing great, and bear with me during this crazy week. I am determined though to get back in the groove and lose weight. Even if I don't have a working scale (yet). I am drawing strength from you, and lending you my own support even if I'm not able to get you a typed out one. We can do this. Let's DO THIS THING!! *photo by Globetroppers*

Today, over at Peanut Gallery Speaks  I'm the writer.  I wrote a piece about the online blogging community, and how it feels about me being anonymous.  Won't you come over and help us talk about what good [or harm] we're doing to each other online? I'd love to hear your take.

Last Saturday Chickadee decided I was ready.  At 2:30 AM, she gave me notice.  I had woken to her singing and walked blearily to her bedside. She insisted she was NOT tired.  No, she did not want her diaper changed.  Even though she kept hitting her diaper over and over again.  Finally, I checked her diaper in spite of her insistence. "It's still dry!" I said surprised.  "DUH." said nonverbal Chickadee as plain as day.  Then she commenced hitting her diaper again. I gazed at her dumbfounded.  Finally, "Do you want to use the potty?" I asked hesitantly.  We've talked of it . . . but I just wasn't ready to commit yet.  "YES" she screamed at me with her intense eyes burning through my retinas, brain and skull. I put her on the potty.  She peed.  I said, "WOO-HOO!!!"  She looked smug, a bit non-plussed. I've never toilet trained a child like this.  She pooped on the potty later that day.  Usually it takes ...

Over the weekend it was simply laziness.  We watched  Avatar .  Or Hubbend and miss THANG did.  We were lazy and watching it while they were traveling.  So they had to see what the kaffufel was all about. Strike 1 Monday there was the doctor appointment, house inspection, and emergency foraging. That's understandable. Tuesday Chickadee was rather out of sorts.  Without the other kids, and I don't know what else was making her grumpy.  I never do.  Frustrating.  So we didn't go during the day.  I thought perhaps I could sneak out later to get the HUGE shopping done.  Or at least the twice-a-week farmers' market. Nope.  Beansprout heard I was going out.  He reminded me that I've promised for a coupla weeks to get his hair cut.  He is not a hippie or a rockstar or jonas brother.  Nope.  He goes crazy if it touches his ears. So, I took him to the corner Smalltown salon.  It took forever  and h...

I'm thrilled to report that Beansprout and miss THANG are happily employed in school.  I also worry.  I'm plagued frequently thinking of my little Beansprout being forced to get along with rules.  He is headstrong, and hates to be asked in certain ways.  He's more stubborn than a mule. I'm rather attached to the little fellow, it turns out. I'm hoping he'll get along.  Learn to follow the rules and get a little bit ahead of the game.  He's a middle child.  I figured out how to skate along in that undercover middle place that kept me out of trouble.  I hope he won't get in too many fights, he's apt to take on bullies you see.  I don't want him getting a reputation for a bad boy, when he's usually just taking up for the underdog. As for me, I hope to do the same.  Get my butt into gear and get into a groove.  In the groove I don't notice how hard it is, because the maintenance makes it smoother. Getting out of the groove is wh...

I was attacked by a monster.  That's why I didn't walk 4 miles yesterday.  It stalked me.  Stared me down from the hallway.  So I nervously wrote yesterday's post and chewed a fingernail trying to will it into leaving.  I hate monsters. Then it ran at me. I did not scream.  I stood my ground.  But it still came toward me. I tried being really loud.  I stomped on the ground, turned on the treadmill, turned up some loud music.  It came at me again.  Stinking monster circled me in the room like it owned the place.  Then it ran under the treadmill. I was too scared of it to stop itching my ankles. And my neck. And scratching my scalp. Before I knew it, it was time to get Beansprout and miss THANG up and ready for their second day of school.  No walk.  I left the monster to make it's den under my treadmill.  I sulked all day.  Chickadee had to be fitted for some arm braces which took 3/4 of my day to dri...

Lately I have been listening to lullabies instead of rocking out during my cardio. I've slowed down my pace, I'm accepting a few big things in my life. I've had arthritis for a couple of years. I had a surgery at 15 and they told me juvenile arthritis would be on the horizon. It's here. Not terribly, and I know what to do for it. Running just hurts now. So I walk. Pretty fast, but I walk. Chickadee is finally gaining weight after the new [platinum coated] formula. My back is feeling it. It felt it too lugging her around during the huge back to school shopping we did last week. Chickadee's toddler bed on the floor is killing me. I feel really old. Instead of fighting it, I've felt calm. I can't change the fact that I have arthritis. Nor can I change Chickadee's Rett Syndrome. But I can manage my attitude. I can problem solve. Hubbend built me a ramp for Chickadee's wheelchair. That's huge. I've been lifting it in. S...

You all know I'm a devoted slave friend to the Miz and the Mrs . Right? Right. So when they came up with a fantastic idea for a post , I thought I would do it. Of course, it takes a lot of creativity to maneuver the minefield situation that is reality. Miz and Mrs want video. Creative dance. Hubbend wants our children and their angelic cherubic faces off of the Internet forever. I'm surprised that the few things I've put up in private lockdown screenings only for people that pass extensive background checks haven't made the entire InterLockedWeb to collapse. Like I said. Difficult. So, being the creative genius that I am-confident behind the mask of anonymity-I had my children pose their toys as "puppets". Fabuloso. So, the names they are saying are actually the names of their toys. Hahahaha. The best part is listening to Chickadee. Much louder than in real life. Or I've got selective hearing loss. I also did one for Chickadee, b...

  Thank goodness for farmers' markets and mother-in-laws that send home garden fresh produce with Hubbends.  Very very nice. Feels good to have vegetarian meals that are fresh. The doctor was all right.  We don't have to see him until January.  We have a surgical consult though for Chickadee's g-tube . I scheduled it right away. Without dodging the call or anything.  I'm proud of myself. What's going right in your life? *Photo credits:   photo one , photo two , photo three , photo four

Chickadee told me something last night.  She wanted her favorite song.  She wanted me to sing it.  She wanted it again and again.  She just about made me cry.  She patted my face and seemed to be telling me that this was her message to me: Woke up this morning Smiled at the rising sun Three little birds . . . on my doorstep Singing a good song. Melody Pure and True Singing This is my message to you-oo-ooh. Singing don't Worry about a thing 'Cause evry little thing 'Sgonna be All Right Amazon.com Widgets I think my sweet Chickadee might be right.

Today I'm going to the doctor's for Chickadee.  Three and a half hours away.  I haven't made up her bottles and miss THANG just drove 12 hours yesterday. I've missed my exercise window.  Again. I'm not excited. I also bombed out on Chickadee's birthday.  I was going to have her just celebrate it today when Hubbend and miss THANG were back.  But I neglected to tell the people at church that.  She looked so disappointed, betrayed even. Plus she's worse. She can't roll over very good.  And she's having a hard time sitting up even when propped. I'm really really really sad. *photo by John and Keturah*

"We have before us an ordeal of the most grievous kind. We have before us many, many long months of struggle and of suffering. You ask, what is our policy? I will say: It is to wage war, by sea, land and air, with all our might and with all the strength that God can give us; to wage war against a monstrous tyranny never surpassed in the dark, lamentable catalogue of human crime. That is our policy. You ask, what is our aim? I can answer in one word: It is victory, victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror, victory, however long and hard the road may be" -Winston Churchill *photo credit*

My scale broke. I'm not being very moderate. My pants all still fit, but my mind feels bleh. I am trying to find the place in my mind where I can do this. I don't seem to be able to find it. The only think that is sparking my interest in meeting my goals is just that. My goals. Fifty-two pounds in fifty-two weeks. The last time I posted a weigh-in was April 11. I was at 198 at that point. Thankfully my maintenance has been good. I'm at 194 80% of the time but only spike up to 197 or so when I truly overindulge more than I moderate. I'm not congratulating myself for losing four pounds in four months. I am proud of myself for not gaining twenty pounds this time Chickadee regressed. I have twenty one weeks left. Aprill 11 I was ahead of the game. I only had 24.5 pounds left to go and 38 weeks left. Now I have 20.5 pounds left to go and twenty-one weeks. That. That right there. That invigorates me. I can do that. I can overcome that challenge, I ...

After reading Leslie's post on Wednesday, I'm thinking.  I watched THIS. I'm trying to imagine my life without sugar.  Added sugars that is.  Life without my mother's cinnamon rolls, chocolate chip cookies, lemon bars, ice cream of any kind, mint oreos, brownies, cake, or any of it. I won't minimize overcoming alcoholism by saying they are alike.  They aren't.  I believe Alcoholism is like fighting a demon.  While my sugar problem is more like fighting with a tantruming child. I've gone back and forth on whether or not it's even possible for anyone me to go without sugar for a longer period of time than just to get to a healthy weight. In January, I'd decided that I could not. I decided I wanted to just be moderate for the rest of my life. I still think that is the most mature and healthy way. But now, I'm not sure if I can do it. Chickadee's second regression and me being reduced to maintenance in my weight loss goals. In ...

Hubbend is leaving to help his mom with the estate.  I was mighty tempted to go.  Just so I could visit MrsFatass .  But Chickadee can't do two 12 hour drives separated only by 48 hours.  We impose long drives on her too much as it is.  So I must stay home with her. miss THANG is elated to go on a trip without JBS.  She loves exotic, which means no mommy around usually.  Beansprout keeps changing his mind.  Since I'm posting this before they leave, I'm still not entirely sure that he's going to go.  But  I'm fine either way.  If he stays, we get one more time of just being us before he goes to school.  If he goes, I get some time with Chickadee. At any rate, I'm very happy to report that The Peanut Gallery Speaks  is running smoothly again.  Well, not that anyone on the surface can tell, but I was pulling a lot of strings behind the scene.  If you could come say hi to Carole -whose post I lost and she found f...

I've been worried lately. I can't sleep easily. I've had kids disrupting my sleep. I've had bouts of insomnia dealing with 'brilliant' ideas. I'm buying things I want. That I deserve and have been putting off for a long time. But a lot at once. These are manic or hypomanic symptoms, since they aren't really disrupting my life. Yet. Nor will they. I'm nipping them in the bud. Gently, because I have been very restrictive in my budget for myself. But also because I've been fighting these overwhelming feelings that I'm a failure. Like no matter how long I stay on the hamster wheel nothing ever gets better in my life. So many things aren't going right. My blogs (three now, HELLO jbs) are all experiencing a few technical difficulties. That takes my time. I'm exploring a new schedule that lets me have a little spiritual/meditation time. That is hard. This makes me in a mixed state which I think you'll agree is pre...

Sunday night we went for a lovely bike ride.  We are looking at a home in a neighborhood and we wanted to test it out.  You know, pretend we're locals and all that.  I'm just in love with the streets that I wouldn't be afraid to let Beansprout careen on as he learns to command his bicycle. I'm also in love with the idea that miss THANG might be more spontaneously active as she makes friends and runs over to their homes and back to ours.  Above all this-adding that Hubbend wouldn't be embarrassed of the neighborhood when bringing European guests to dinner-I love that there is a park nearby.  Not a wimpy park with a playground.  Oh no. A park with miles of biking trails on an island.  A lovely dam to fish from.  (I don't like to fish, but my children practice casting for hours at my encouragement) It reminds me of when I get going on a role.  When I want to do my diet and exercise program perfectly. I have a plan, it is to work, and I am t...

If you want to know how my summer is going with miss THANG being home and Beansprout scrapping for his territory, you're going to have to follow me to another place.  I'm posting today over at The Peanut Gallery Speaks.  Please join me! Sorry! Thanks to Pam  for pointing out that I left no link.  Doh.  So, here it is lovelies. The Peanut Gallery Speaks  Muah to Pam! *also I am going to be Very Annoying this month about the Pepsi Vote.  Please vote today.  You can also text 100842 to 73774.  Very Annoying people.  I will.

Today at church services  the teacher read a small story . It was about heart transplants.  How the body has antibodies that attack the new foreign heart and the beneficiary of the heart needed to take immune-suppressant medicines for the rest of their life. From her story, the teacher pointed out that it was amazing that the patients grew complacent in their check-ups and medicines.  Then she quoted the following from our scripture: Alma 5: 12-14, 26   12 And according to his faith there was a mighty  a change  wrought in his  heart . Behold I say unto you that this is all true.   13 And behold, he  a preached  the word unto your fathers, and a mighty  change  was also wrought in their  hearts , and they humbled themselves and put their  b trust  in the true and c living  God. And behold, they were faithful until the  d end ; therefore they were saved.   14 And now behold, I ask of...