Journey Beyond Survival

* uppity date: I am conquering my desire to remain abed and stuff my face with my heritage. Yes, my genes likely gave me bipolar NOS. However, they also gave me the INABILITY to remain abed. So, while I-though I pray not-may stuff my face, I am so fortunate as to be unable to do what I fantasized in the previous post. I'll be back tomorrow. You're not that lucky. Har. Har.* I am so grateful though that I can get out of bed. And have been able to through everything but the first trimester of my pregnancies. It's the worst thing in the world if you can't. *photo by Soo-Sun*

WEIGHT: 210.6 (-4.4 since last week!) BMI: 29.4 (NO LONGER OBESE, barely ) %BODY FAT: 34.01% (-9.14%!!!!) blurb: wahoooeeee!!!! Kathyj333 posted a comment yesterday that really got me thinking. She commented on how she really related to my profile description. The part where I say that two years of life had generally revealed the person I thought I left behind. It struck me again. I try to be real here on my bloggy. But, there are a few elephants in the room. Since thinking about her comment, I've thought about several facts about myself that I am still trying to leave behind. Hide from. I have lost 30 pounds or more three times in my life. Each time I kept it off for at least two years. It comes back when something life altering occurs. Something negatively life altering. FACT: I have a label I've run away from for ten years. Two years ago a doctor put it on my permanent record. Someone close was diagnosed with bipolar I when I was 18. Close enough biologically th...

Whose body is this? Who took away all my hard work? The last time I saw this body was in 2005, when I swore I would never see it again. Who is talking like that to my kids? I took parenting classes, read books, and listened to constructive criticism. I know how to be an assertive, authoritative, excellent parent. This can’t be me, I’ve worked so hard NOT to be this. The point is that it has happened. The medication they gave me in the psych hospital had me gain from 175 pounds to 195 in two weeks. TWO WEEKS! It took me a year to get off forty pounds from June 2005 to June 2006. I kept it off, including through a pregnancy, ending my pregnancy at 217 lbs. which was less than I had started losing weight at. Post-partum I did excellent until falling off the deep end psychologically seven months later. I entered the hospital at 175 and I was lactating. Contributing stressors, such as baby regressing into a permanent disability, a husband with a furloughed income and no real prospe...