Journey Beyond Survival

Quick note: Chickadee is home with us.  Her G-tube surgery will be within the next couple of weeks.  Thanks for all of your prayers guys!  When I got home and saw that, it made be feel so good.  I love and appreciate you!  She and Beansprout have the flu and are miserable.  I cried as usual on the way home, I think it's just cathartic.  That, and it's really really hard to do Dr. visits.  Anyway, back to my previously scheduled positive post! I'm writing this on Sunday, because I know that Monday is going to be horrific.  I'm sure that getting my children to bed on Monday and convincing myself to exercise Tuesday is going to be all I can handle.  Or more than.  Do you hear any screaming? No? Well then, I might be okay.  Course, someone might need to check on my family.  I can't be responsible for myself this far ahead. I had to teach today. (You remember? It's Sunday for me)  We talked about patience . Now, I...

Being Sunday, I usually talk about Sunday things. This health journey is different from the others. My life is utterly and completely beyond my own control. In most ways. Before I had the illusion of control. This-of course-led to my bipolar manic phase in which I was pushed into psychosis. Pretending that I can control the world spells disaster. Remember that. When Chickadee was finally diagnosed and it was evident that I was not delusional in that regard I gave up. It was as though I'd given up the weight of the world and needed to rest. Truth is I didn't even need to feel like I was holding back the tide. Letting go has made all the difference in my life. That and prayer. I'm living in the moment now, because it's all the certainty I've got. I believe in letting go. I can't write the cliche sayings here. The ones that belong. I'm not grateful for trials. I would never ever EVER wish these things on anyone. I do not feel like we ar...

Today I'm teaching at Church . I'm supposed to be profound about this  talk. Somehow I consistently overestimate my ability to deal.  I should probably start preparing the same day that I teach. Then I might get it done in time for the next motnh! Anywho. I'm praying I have something to say.

It's Sunday.   Time to get some perspective. Regain some purpose. What keeps you focused? *photo by kaurageous*

We girls had a slumber party last night. Chickadee, miss THANG and I. I read Anne to them until I fell asleep. Chickadee begged to stay with us, And then she begged to leave. I'm feeling much much much better. A VeryGoodFriend let me spill my guts. Even though her life is brimming. So many comments and a few emails of help. Which got me thinking. Every single one of us is being tested. We are all striving and it is equally as hard. But, we have Help. It's all worth it. Life is beautiful. I believe we're doing what we're meant to do. *photo credit here*

I'll pray for you too. You all have done so much for me, I want you to know the same goes for you too. Let me know in the comments below or in the box in my sidebar. Thanks again!

Hey! Happy Easter Sunday to you. What are you doing here? Get back to family. You don't? You could do what I'm doing today. My Church family . Or, here are my favorite inspirational moments inspired by my Church. The Value of Daughters of God Shortcuts to Blessings What the heck is a Mormon? Aside from someone who says "heck" a Mormon has horns on their head, and has a bajillion wives. Or, you could find out what I really believe here What the Heck . It could be a good thing to do on Sunday. AND Easter. But, it's no skin off my nose. Really. Tell me about what you believe! Or, tell me about your family. I love to hear about you all! *photo by Nedieth*

To the Net Weight it May Concern: Due to current flight restrictions we need to cut ties with at least 20 pounds. The following pounds listed below will be dismissed effective immediately. To the remaining 32 pounds, consider this your eviction notice. You can either leave voluntarily right away, or be forcibly removed within the upcoming months. Pounds 222.6-217 The FURLOUGH pounds. You told me it was cheaper to eat crap. You made me feel guilty for not eating treats from the people helping my family. You whispered I failed when we couldn't buy Christmas. I've got news for you: you were wrong. We're STRONGER, more hopeful, and happier. You have no right to squat on the edge of my consciousness anymore. There's no such thing as squatters' rights in psychological warfare. Pounds 216-211 The MOURNING pounds. You made life livable without spending months in bed. You paid for my inability to talk through the HELL I was going through. You aren't so many, ...

Something important to me in starting this whole deal is to be more in control of myself. You know, I can't control others but I can control myself. The Serenity Prayer. I want to be more patient. Yesterday, I was a witch. I was tired of a messy dirty house, and my family 'taking advantage' of me being swamped. They should be taking up my slack, not capitalizing on the avalanche. So I whisked around the house as quickly as if I'd had a broom. I criticized and nagged. I snapped and harped. You know how it is. Or hopefully not. My point is that I want to do better. Okay, so maybe patient is a bit much for me to shoot for at the moment. I want to be respectful. Civil. Yes, that would be a definite improvement. I want to be civil while asking for what I need. I want to be respectful while I repeatedly make it my full time job to train Chiclets to do their chores. Okay. Maybe, it's just the desire to believe for now. What are your tricks for not bein...

Hubbend is Home!! We shall go to church. Then we shall roll up into a cocoon. We may never ever forever come out.

I am going to church today. Then I am going to stay home and snuggle read to Miss THANG draw for Beansprout kiss my hubbend I will help Chickadee be quiet for services. Then I will let her explode with obnoxious abandon. We will eat good things. We will nap. I love Sunday.

So, it is Sunday. I am feeling late. I want to share how this blog came about and how I feel about Sunday. I believe in fasting for spiritual benefit. I fast the first Sunday of every month, for around 24 hours. Then, I give the money I've saved on food to my church . It's something we do there. I usually dedicate each fast to some specific problem I'm facing in my life, or in behalf of someone in my life and pray for help. January the third I'd been thinking about my weight, and honestly I'd been trying. I have my calendar to prove it. It has all the days on it that I've run. I look at it sparingly, because it reminds me of all the terrible things that happened last year. When I looked at it on New Year's Eve, I saw all the days of exercise missing. My eyes burned and my tongue lumped in my throat. They were they days that my grandma died, when my 8 month old nephew died, and my other grandma died. They are the days we went to see my father-in-l...