So, I've been thinking about this a lot since Saturday. I posted about my 'elephants in the room'. Or, the reasons why I'm anonymous on Blogger. I expected to have a mass exodus of followers leaving my blog. Because-living incognito-I hear a lot of opinions on bipolar. Most of them are NOT good.
I did not expect an outpouring of support and friendship. I did not expect people to be accepting. Huh. Add into that the fact that Chickadee has a test this week, and I found out yesterday she needs glasses. This is where my cookie derailment began. I ate five Saturday. Five the next day. Two on Monday and the cookies were gone. Yesterday I opened a bag of gummi worms and 3 Musketeers minis and had a serving of the first and 1/2 a serving of the second. So, I will have to start over again on the weaning myself off sugar.
I've been wondering. Why did I do that? Was it because I do not accept myself as much as the commenters? Or because I was fearing rejection and didn't know how to discharge the excess energy when it didn't happen? Strangely, No and No. I think it could have something similar to do with this VLOG that someone else did.
SERENITY PRAYER
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
--Reinhold Niebuhr
As many people have told me lately-something that I've told them at times-is that it's only for today. For right now, the next five minutes. I am going to stick to my goals. I'm going to keep eating healthy, and exercising when it's possible. I'm going to get online when I can't stay away from sugar. Or call someone. Or get in the shower. Or brush my teeth. Then I will do it again until today is done. Then I'll renew it all again tomorrow.
Great plan! You are stronger than the cookies. You just have to keep telling yourself that.
ReplyDeleteOur bodies can put up with just about anything....it's our mind we have to convince! - Vince Lombardi
I like the five minute plan! Who'd have thought of that? Even easier than "just for today".
ReplyDeleteI so understand the caving to cookies and crap in general. I can be so absolutely 150% committed to my plan and myself one moment, and then find myself self sabotaging literally 5 minutes later. And in the self sabotage moment, I can't conjure up a single reason to not eat whatever it is that I'm wanting to eat just then. Very baffling and aggravating.
I'm so glad you're finding acceptance and support and NO REJECTION here in blogdom. It is an amazing community of humanity who really hold each other up. And I'm glad you're here. Good luck with Chickadee's test tomorrow.
Sorry to double dip, but thanks also for the link to Mrsfatass' vlog. It was great, and I'd never read or seen her before.
ReplyDeleteI love that picture. It defiantely depicts how I feel sometimes! I love your just for today theme! I think I am going to do that. Sometimes long term goals are so hard to grasp. There are so many things I want to accomplish in the long run, but it is like grasping at straws.
ReplyDeletegreat plan
ReplyDeleteyou are strong
you can do this
For me, it's one minute at a time. I love the Serenity Prayer. It's that "wisdom to know the difference" part that usually gets me. Stay in touch.
ReplyDelete@Fit Mommy-Boy, Vince Lombardi just nailed my brain to the wall. How can a generalization be so true! I do just have to repeat it to myself or trick myself into behaving when I act like Pavlov's dogs. ;)
ReplyDelete@Leslie- Of all the friends I've met on the blogosphere, you have given me so much hope. Especially at key moments. I enjoy your perspective, and it's wonderful to have you here.
@Nikki- Doesn't the picture just make you want to cheer? I need contingency plans for five minute long emergencies. It's the only way I can make progress when I mess up so often.
@BEE- Thank you. You are too. Let's do it together!
@Kathyj333- I have no wisdom. I generally want to change the things I can't. I want to hide from the things I can. I guess that is what changing my life is about eh? And I will. I'm cyber-stalking you. Or didn't you notice? :P
The serenity prayer keeps me sane, and sober......and even though I want to change the things I cannot change, the only thing Icannot change I don't want to is the cat box.
ReplyDeleteYou are way stronger than you give yourself credit for! We all face things everyday that put stress on us, make us reach for those cookies, but its a minute by minute, day by day process and YOU GIRL are doing just fine! Still praying for the test and that you will find peace in everything!
ReplyDeleteFirst off - I want to thank you for the sweet blogger award you gave to me. I love reading those lists, and I'm so bad about making my own. I promise that I will today though. :)
ReplyDeleteSecondly, I want to say that I think your strength is amazing. We are only human, and perfection (with anything) is never going to happen. And that's ok. There is no failure as long as you pick yourself up and soldier on. You can do this. I know you can.
All we really have is today, it's when we over focus on yesterday and tomorrow that we get in trouble.
ReplyDeleteHUGS
It really is a minute by minute, day by day journey. One thing that really helped me was realizing that a few cookies or chips wasn't going to put me off course forever - because I really could begin again.
ReplyDeleteTake care - you can do this and find your peace.
@susan- I think the serenity prayer will be what teaches me to deal with my daughter's medical situation without sabotaging myself. I'll work on wanting to change all that needs to. I'm willing. Just not wanting.
ReplyDelete@Kristina- Thank you for your prayers. I hope I'm learning. I AM doing better than before. I just want to jump ahead of what I can handle to what I know I should do. Thanks for your help.
@Kim- No worries. Do it when you can. Or if you want to. :) Thank you. ANd I need to remember that my perfectionism is something that I WANT to change. Thanks.
@KatDoesDiets-*hug* Thanks for your support.
@Diane Fit to The Finish-You're right. I'm committed long term. I'm gonna keep after this until it's maintenance time. Then I'm going to keep doing that. A few cookies are about learning why. Not about burning myself about it.
Hey Anon: I'm new here -- saw your blog title over on Diane's site (Fit to the Finish) and was intrigued. You and I seem to be dealing with the same crack -- uh, crap!
ReplyDeleteIn my case (as I suspect is the same in yours) It's not about the food. It's some weird compulsion that sends me around the bend and gleefully over the cliff. The crazy thing is, I'm probably waving like a giddy fool as my car does a Thelma and Louise into the Grand Canyon.
What the heck is THAT all about?
I am two, different people when I go though my binge-fests. There's Binge Barbie, and then there's this innocent little do-gooder that I just want to flick. I just wanna say, "Bite me, babe. I'm gonna eat this and I don't give a crap WHAT you think."
All the while, the do-gooder is wringing her hands and saying, "Why, oh why is she doing that!?"
So, many times, I feel bipolar -- like you say above -- and it just sucks. BUT, that's why I take happy pills and go to therapy. I will get through this one step at a time. Just like your plan above. We're stronger than the food. Remember that...
@ Cari aka Gastric Bypass Barbie- I was delighted to find and read your blog. It's amazing how similar stories can be when it comes to getting our addictions under control. I must admit, I am still puzzled about myself. But, we can't wait till we've figured it out. Can we?
ReplyDelete