So much of my life lately has revolved around one thing.
Employment.
It's been driving me a bit batty. Mr. Survival have been round and round the issue and it just doesn't make sense for me to find a job. I don't have the years experience, nor the degree to be able to pay our bills let alone Chickadee's childcare.
So that makes sense. But, it's difficult to be at the mercy of someone else's ability to get a job. To witness their doldrums and be able to identify so well with what they're going through. I've been fighting off feelings of frustration and anger. Mr. Survival is dealing-very well-with a case of the dumps.
I haven't posted about it, because it's not my life. It's not my issue. But, I realized last night that supporting him IS my issue. Anxiety and frustration about feeling paralyzed and trapped are my issues.
So I'm not really sure how to navigate this new turn my life has taken. Privacy is obviously very important to me, and Mr. Survival appreciates that. So, I'm trying to respect his right deal with things his way without a lot of judgement going on behind his back.
But, I do need to talk about it. I hate feeling like I must check up on him or nag him in any way. There is a reason why I married Mr. Survival. It's because we're grown-ups.
Mr. Survival takes care of himself.
I love to supplement and make him feel pampered, and he does the same for me. But nagging? Not our style at all. So, all my anxiety must go somewhere. I've basically been redirecting it back at him for stupid little things or at the kids who are completely innocent. (except for the Browny poop everywhere, that deserves hard time)
We had a really really good talk yesterday morning. I was honest and tactful, as was he. We've both just neglected almost everything through our depression over this job thing. We reevaluated and we feel good. Plus, my family did a religious 24 hour fast (happens once a month) and prayed specifically for us. We found some exciting sites and leads. Nothing in particular, but the difference is that we have hope. Hope is such a nice slice of freshness.
How do you keep the hope alive when the rain cloud keeps following you around?
ahhhh I can relate to this.
ReplyDeleteand the keeping the hope alive? Im grateful my girl is young (and clueless :)) as her joy in the small stuff can be overpowering at times (at most times) to all the stress in the house.
a reminder to me how, really, the frazzle IS the small stuff.
Unemployment is so tough. But I think, especially for men, there's a whole level where their ego and "manliness" is tied into it which makes it even tougher.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I can't keep hope alive and I give into the despair but, of course, that's never a good solution. Sometimes, all you can do is fake it 'till you make it - and then you do. Make it that is.
We went through a similar situation after I got laid off and my hubby was self employed. All of a sudden we had no insurance...not good with 2 asthmatics in the house. It was stressful but we actually made it a fun little competition to see who could get a job first (he won) but health ins wouldnt kick in for 6 mths....so I actually got us insured. I must say we are so much closer and more in love after going through all that. Do what works for your family...but there's nothing wrong with taking a part time job while he looks for a good opportunity. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteIt's so frustrating, but I'm glad y'all can be honest and tactful. Just keep doing the basics and it will eventually work out. Praying for you!
ReplyDeleteI pray. I run. I remind myself of myself. I get busy, and remind myself that I am not helpless. And then...I DO.
ReplyDeleteYou and hubs seem so strong. You will make it through this challenging time, and come out all the better. He is lucky to have someone as supportive and loving as you.
Praying for you.