It feels like I've become a detached voice, writing but not feeling on this blog. I'm living a lot of things that don't fit neatly into my bloggable ownership file.
Even now, I've spent an hour with this tab open to write a new post and I've done absolutely everything else possible. For once I can't put a finger on what I'm feeling. I don't fit into any definable box.
On one hand,
Okay, try not to cry here. My eyes burn every time I've seen this. (Four eight twelve times since it happened yesterday) The therapist is only lightly holding down her hands to help with balance. She's been in that stander for at least 4 minutes already, and she stayed in it after I put the camera down. She could barely sit up after the hospital! Here's a refresher:
Even now, I've spent an hour with this tab open to write a new post and I've done absolutely everything else possible. For once I can't put a finger on what I'm feeling. I don't fit into any definable box.
On one hand,
- I'm spending an hour in therapy with Chickadee and another hour round trip three times a week.
- Mr. Survival is fighting off unemployment blues.
- We cannot shake things up and have me go to work.
- I'm not going to go to FitBloggin'11.
- Chickadee is STANDING in the stander for minutes instead of seconds!
- Chickadee is grasping things momentarily for the first time in eighteen months.
- I'm so in love with Mr. Survival it's unbelievable.
- We are tighter as a family than we ever have been.
I'm stressed and frustrated. I'm scared. I'm sad. But at the exact same moment I'm ecstatic and overcome! So, we have new Easter clothes and plenty of food in the cupboards. But not enough money to justify a blogging conference. My time is being carved away at an all time high.
I just don't feel as scattered as that looks. I feel good! I'm calm, directed and happy. Why you ask? I know who I am. I know where I want to head. I've got the people I want around me.
Then there is the secret true reason for my bliss:
Okay, try not to cry here. My eyes burn every time I've seen this. (
I just can't be sad. I can't. She's getting ready to WALK! And for the first time in years I believe she can. I see evidence.
I believe it too!! BIG GRIN!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry I won't see you at Fitbloggin' but I do understand.
This makes me smile.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love this post; go chickadee, go!!!
ReplyDeleteJust started following your blog. Sorry you have hit a bad spell. We just went through all the financial & un/selfemployment stuff and it made us a closer family. Now just starting to see the light out of the tunnel. Your chickadee is precious! Congrats on her stand and I look forward to hearing more.
ReplyDeleteTrue happiness is not the mountaintop... or the valley, it really is somewhere in between. You're there, and it's a good thing.
ReplyDeleteYAY Chickadee!!! That is so so cool :) I'm so proud of her. That's so good to see thanks for sharing :) Love you guys.
ReplyDeleteBlessing do come out of bad times, just look at how close your family is and how well your children are doing.
ReplyDeleteThe video made me grin ear to ear!
Such good news.
ReplyDeleteAnd, so sad that you aren't going to Fitbloggin'. Did you already purchase your ticket? I am sharing a room with someone, I'd offer for you to bunk with us at no cost? If that were a possiblity, let me know.
Ohyah right - I'm supposed to not cry when I see that? Too late. Wow.
ReplyDeleteTry not to cry? Failed that challenge.
ReplyDelete"I know who I am. I know where I want to head." This is the perfect description of where I am today. Let's both hold on to that knowledge.
Evi saw the video and asked me who the "pretty little girl" was. I told her she was my friend's daughter, and she said "she's standing up, very good." So there. I never mentioned Chickadee was anything other than a normal little girl. So from one beautiful daughter to another, "very good."
ReplyDeleteShe is beautiful.
ReplyDeleteThat is SOO cool! I have a son who is autistic and when he was little every change seemed like another mountain climbed...now he's 17 and life seems so normal...not always easy, but normal. I think everything works out the way it's supposed to eventually. She is amazing!
ReplyDeleteSandy
www.twelvemakesadozen.blogspot.com
Crying. Look at that girl. The look in her eyes. Her pony tail. Holy cow she's amazing.
ReplyDeleteAnd so are you.
Beautiful!!! I just grinning watching that vid! I'm so proud of your little girl and of you!
ReplyDeleteP.S. I'm not going to FitBloggin' either... we can commiserate together;)
Thank you for sharing a story so close to the heart. Isn't it interesting, that despite slow starts, once we start writing, so much comes out, feelings line themselves up and explain themselves and we walk away more resolute, more clear and with a sense of purpose - more often than not. Writing is a gift from heaven and sharing your life as it really is is a gift from you. Love the blog design too!
ReplyDelete