Mr. Survival is home.
When I wrote about the three kids and I all being sick and not being able to do anything? Yeah. That was why. We literally ate cereal for three days straight with a few things like an apple or two thrown in for their ease of use. It was hard and scary.
But, I'm also closer to my kids than I have been in a long time. Lithium, or psychosis, or my scarred brain has made it really hard for me to do all the cozy mothering I used to. My sensory system is jacked up higher, and it was already hard for me to handle things like the pressure from a sweet little bottom. Especially one that is boney, and moves non-stop. Poor kids. We do the best we can around it. This week has been awesome in helping me overcome that.
Not easily replicable, but good to know.
Mr. Survival made it home just in time for the "Blizzard of 2011" [heard in and echo chamber in your heads] to sweep in and cocoon us with 12-18 inches of snow. I don't really know how much because the 40 mph winds blew everything around so much that some of the piles are 24-36 inches, and others are 6 inches deep. We made snow caves. Mr. Survival was working, but we made snow caves because he could listen to Chickadee sleeping. That meant I could actually go outside with them for once!
It's hard work taking my ten gallon garbage can around in a circle, and tossing it into a pile in the middle. I'm so sore this morning. In a really good way. Then Beansprout and missTHANG started digging holes into it.
Side by side.
I pointed it out, and missTHANG cared, but Beansprout didn't. She wanted an igloo, they were making a cave. Long story short we had a stand off while I tried to shovel the driveway and fill the bird feeders. She won, and I did another twenty foot circle of snow scoops to make her another mound. Double sore.
Anyway, all this to say that Mr. Survival has a
This venture is pretty much the last thing I want right now. Not because I foresee a lot of turmoil in the relationships we have in the area. Not because changing doctors and hospitals and specialties for Chickadee is going to be a monumental nightmare. Not even because Beansprout currently holds the record for bathroom accidents at a new school in a two month period.
No.
It's another entrepreneurial venture. There is no guarantee of medical insurance. The city has a bad taste in their mouth from the last owner of this venture, and have it out for anything associated with it. Of all the places I would like to live, this place ranks last. I just don't know if I can take that kind of insecurity again. Our potential living situation may not be tenable for me in my present state of mind. I don't want to do it. But, it's our only offer. Mr. Survival has been too busy shutting down his business to hunt for others.
It makes me really really sad.
I would really love to hear some of your plucky stories about job change and perseverance. Or your sad ones about things uncertain right now. It would make me feel so much less lonely.
photo by ZanyShani
Thank you for donating for Chickadee's service dog. We raised all the money! Thanks again! Tweet
**looks around**
ReplyDeleteIm in the middle of it with you.
I shall also wait fer your wise wise readers to respond.
Did I ever tell you that I had moved 28 times by the time I was 22 years old? Yep. I survived, but it probably also explains why, once Little Helen started school, I refused to move anywhere. I wanted her to have the roots and stability I never did. It was a good thing because now she has a place called "Home Town," whereas I really do not.
ReplyDeleteReally the only piece of advice I have is to try, (really, really try) to see the move as an opportunity to have a fresh start. Nobody will know anything about you or your family so you get to recreate it anyway you want. Not to mention the throwing away of useless things you can do as you pack.
When my husband lost his job several years ago, we really tried to view it as an opportunity. For him, he would never have quit but he was unhappy. It was scary. I tried to be strong and supportive. The toughest part was the medical insurance. My husband did get to reevaluate. So that was good.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you are feeling lonely and isolated in your muck. I had just written a post about feeling sad re: my poor eating choices and then I read your post next. I said to myself, put it into perspective, you have nothing to worry about compared to JBS. But, you want sad, so go on over and read it :)
ReplyDeleteAs for the soreness, don't you just love that post muscle burn when it comes from something good? I hope you have as good a day as you can squeeze out.
When my daughter was born, something hormonal broke inside my spirit and I just wanted to be around my mother ALL. THE. TIME. So even though we had a beautiful home and my husband had a good job, we did the most irrational thing evah. We rented out our house, rented an apartment in my hometown, and moved. We had $2000 in the bank and my husband had only had 1 interview with 1 new company. But even with all the fuckity fuck elements, it just FELT right. Not sure if it was the "law of attraction", the "answered prayers" or just dumb luck, but everything fell together like it was just meant to be. Best stupid decision EVAH.
ReplyDeleteI am, unfortunately, a veteran of the war that is Living with Insecurity. My husband has lost several jobs, tried starting his own business (notice I said "tried", not "succeeded at") worked as a contractor which meant no benefits or job security, and on and on and on. And I won't lie - it really sucks. Four kids, no insurance, one car accident that totaled my van and we had no money and bad credit, which meant no new (or used) car for us...Anyway. The point is this: we survive. We struggle, we cry, we get angry, sometimes we shake our fists at the sky and wail "Why is this always happening to us?!" But every day, we get out of bed and we keep going. And eventually things have always gotten better. I figure that when the end of times is getting really hairy, we will be better equipped for survival than those people who live in their nice houses with their fancy jobs and never struggle. It is a small comfort.
ReplyDeleteSo my point here, and yes I do have one, is that you will survive. It is in your name for goodness sake. And I know that sometimes you will feel like you don't want to survive. That is when you reach out to friends (like me) for support and kind words and laughs.
Ok, well after all that, I just want to say that you have an award waiting for you on my blog, if you are at all in to that kind of thing. ;)
Ok- here's my story. I was a working Mom and my hubs was the SAH. I quit my job (long story) assuming Matt could get one quickly. (it was 2007 before the economy tanked out.) He couldn't, and we lost our house before it was socially acceptable to do so. People told us we were lazy, moochers, etc., and I spiraled into a deep depression about it. Matt took a job as a SUBSTITUTE JANITOR, making 8.50/hr, and we were on food stamps. It was rough. He found a job fixing medical supplies, and while it mostly paid the bills, he had to travel 5 days a week. It was horrible.
ReplyDeleteTHEN, a year and a half into this whole mess, we got a lead about a job at the Veteran's Administration. Matt thought he didn't qualify for it, so he didn't apply. But someone called him and BEGGED him to apply for it, so we did, 24 hours before the deadline. Well guess what? Because of all the medical supply experience he now had, coupled with his computer knowledge- he got the job. And it was MORE MONEY THAN EITHER OF US HAD EVER SEEN BEFORE. And that was right as the housing market fell. All of a sudden, friends who had called us lazy were now standing in lines for jobs and losing their houses. Meanwhile, Matt was making enough for me to stay at home with the kids and pursue my writing career. A year later, he got a raise. And last november, he got ANOTHER RAISE. ONE DAY BEFORE THEY FROZE gov wages. And we are able to help our friends in need with what we have.
So, you keep your head up. God does mighty things amidst the chaos of life. He's always got a plan. Even when we can't see it.
Boy, I sure hope this encourages people. It was awful to live through, but I'm so happy to be on the other side of it, and I'm thankful it happened like it did!!!
Oh wow, do I know how you feel! That is so so stressful. I remember when my husband got laid off a few years ago and we couldn't find work (for him) for months in Seattle. So I quit my teaching job there, we packed up and moved to Minnesota. Ostensibly it was for grad school. I was 8 mos. pregnant and miserable. We had no friends, no family, no jobs. i couldn't even find the grocery store. I was so depressed. But - then hubby got a job! And it was way better than the one he lost! And the baby was born! And we made friends! And... now we love it here:) things never stay the same - sometimes that's sad - but sometimes that's hopeful! I'll keep you guys in my prayers!
ReplyDeleteAnd here's mine! I had my own company for many years, doing engineering consulting. At the first market bust, I lost many of my clients as they went under. By the time was all said and done, we were $35,000 in debt and I was frantically looking for work. A random phone call to a very old friend got me an interview and bam! I'm employed! It took two years to dig ourselves out of that hole, but we did it without taking the kids out of private school, and without compromising our retirement savings. It was hard. We ate lots of beans and rice and rice and beans. We did without and made do with even less.
ReplyDeleteYes, God does mighty things in our lives!
boston: irsf conference may 27-30. be there or be square. i'd love to meet you!
ReplyDeleteYa we were moving to hubby's parents house durning this blizzard, so not fun and got pretty costly when the damn U-hal truck got stuck in the snow for 3 extra days then intended.
ReplyDeleteSorry been so busy with the move and all and haven't had time to come around. We still doing the make over?
Give my love to Chickadee! :D
I'm so happy about the therapy dog--what a miracle! You're gonna make it through this. Change is hard, scary and maddening, but you are never alone. You have the tools and support necessary to make it through this. You can (and have done) do hard things. Absolutely. Love you!
ReplyDeleteI have such stories with dangerous twists, evil plots, dismal alleys, and/but a very happy ending. I gonna have to email you.
ReplyDeleteSo far, I have been very, VERY lucky in this regard. So I shall just send positive ju-ju that everything works out the way it is supposed to and with the least amount of stress and worry possible.
ReplyDeleteMy husband got laid off back in 2009. We had nothing in savings. He packed up his van with his tools, we put an add on craig's list and he became a mobile auto mechanic. He's making it! No matter what happens, I truly believe things have a way of working themselves out. It may not be what we want, but we've always gotten what we need.
ReplyDeleteIt will be OK!
I lost my job Dec 17 2010...Merry Christmas right? It took me 10 months to find a new one, with no benefits, with no guarantee of hours. At least I'm working now, hopefully this will lead to a permanent position at this company. I've wanted to work here for 9 years. My husband is unable to work due to having vascular dementia (caused by diabetes).Life goes on.
ReplyDeleteWow, that snow looks awesome!!! But then we are in the middle of a heat wave at the moment, so seeing snow would get us all over-excited!
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear everyones been sick :o/
We moved to another state 4 years ago, with no jobs, we just bought a house, no family around etc and it turned out to be the best thing we have over done. :)
ReplyDelete