- It costs $13,000 to have a relaxing drug induced retreat after psychosis
- My daughter says she still remembers mommy like that
- Every time someone says I sound good, I wonder if I'm manic
- I put my kids to bed at night
- I help with homework
- The love of my life has me just as much as I have him
- I have a sassy groove that's manageable
- I'm not a perfectionist self righteous prude anymore (much)
- Life is good
"I would NEVER do that"because I simply don't know anymore that I wouldn't. I know a lot of you out there are weighing the pro's and cons of medication. No, it's not just one. I know more of you than I can count on both hands are either ashamed you are, or can't bear the thought of doing it. Even though you're worried you should. Get checked out. Just see. You might be relieved.
The thing is, my diagnosis is what I make of it. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with, but mostly because of the shame. Speaking of it seemed like it was going to make things worse. I'm a person who needs to talk my problems out.
This blog healed a part of my soul that was unhinged. Not just because I could write out the pain, or grapple with a disease.
Because of all of you.
THANK YOU.
*photo by erix*
and thank YOU for your unflagging honesty.
ReplyDeleteand for, as the kids no longer say, KEEPING IT REAL.
So glad you found a place to be yourself! We love you :)
ReplyDeleteBlogland wouldn't be the same without you.
ReplyDeleteI can only imagine this is only more so for those who know you in real life.
You said the bad word...shame. It's so crazy that *I* am not ashamed of you and that you wouldn't be of me if the tables were turned - but you are of yourself. I hate that about these diseases. I hate that somehow on our worst days we think it's our fault...which in turn makes us think we can fix it on our own. It's the most difficult anyone can ever go through and you can't explain the depth of the pain...unless you've been there. To see you come out of the black hole that comes with mental diseases...well...I don't have the words to explain what it means to others of us still fighting too. I guess in one word - it is hope. Hope - that I too - can keep having the courage to do what you do. Thanks for this post.
ReplyDeleteWe never know what it is like to walk in someone else's shoes. I look at you and what you have shared and see nothing to be ashamed of. I see strength and honesty and caring.
ReplyDeleteshame?!! that confuses me, darlin why would you be ashamed of something your physical body has decided to do that you have no choice in?
ReplyDeleteMedication (My opinion) is perscribed by your doctor and you pay money to go to that doctor, he went to school for a hello lotta years to know what he is doing
if he says take medication, take the medication
so many folks have their soap boxes and aren't afraid to scream their opinions that this or that is what you should do
screw them!!! take care of yourself, and make peace with that body, it's the only one you are going to get!!!
you are doing great!!
No judging you on those pills at all, but I'm oh so glad that your blogging-life could be part of your natural therapy. Muwah!
ReplyDeleteChickie! No shame here...you are who you are, and you've chosen to live for yourself and your family, and indirectly, for the rest of us out here in Blogland. We're that much richer becauseof it.
ReplyDeleteAll sounds good to me. You are doing what you believe is right to make you healthier, happier and well; keep on being able to say Life is Good. I hope you can always say that.
ReplyDeleteHave a good weekend!
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ReplyDeleteThank you for being brave & courageous enough to share this very personal ordeal with all of us!
ReplyDelete:D Thanks for posting this. I totally needed to read it today. And thanks for dropping by my blog!
ReplyDeleteI heart you girl!
ReplyDeleteI have taken medications for depression and anxiety since I was 16 years old.
ReplyDeleteMy diagnoses have ranged from bipolar, to major depression, to anxiety disorders, and finally settled on OCD.
No matter what the experts call it...I just call it frustrating and the best way I have found to deal with it is by a combination of medication, therapy (10+ years) and exercise to keep those endorphins going.
Thank you for sharing your story...if more of us would do so it would help unveil the hidden shame and take that power back for ourselves and our healing.
You are mighty!
I had to chuckle about something. As one who also has bipolar, #3 struck a chord: "every time someone says I sound good, I wonder if I'm manic" I was just talking to my husband about this last night!
ReplyDeleteI have finally come to the point where I am not fighting the "should I be on meds" question. While I've taken them for many years, I've always felt that "shame" I soooo get it!! (though we should have no shame, I understand what you mean)
Also, I can very much relate to "I would never do that.." because you don't know that you wouldn't. Again, was just talking to my husband about this last night. It's hard for me to wonder when it's going to hit again..and yet, he wonders the same thing. Sigh..
I really appreciate your blog and being so open. You are helping people. You've helped me!