So I'm walking. I'm walking. I'm walking.
It's early in the morning and I'm walking. No stopping. Nope. Just walking.
In comes Hubbend out of the blue, and for once I don't jump out of my skin. I normally do because I get up in the pitch black of night now and work out all alone for an hour. I stare into space waiting to reboot for half an hour before that, but it doesn't seem to count as exercise. So for an hour and a half, it's like I'm all alone on the planet. My own little universe. Nice.
He wants to debate about whether or not Beansprout should go to school. Really, he knows he's not allowed to make a call like that alone because I'm the one dealing with theinsane energy darling boy. Smart man. We just about get to the part where he leaves me in peace and I have finished when it happens.
Something small and dark zips like a ping pong ball into the door across Hubbend's foot and under my moving treadmill. He jumps a couple feet in the air-it was quite comical.
But do I laugh? No. I'm too busy shrieking like a little girl on steroids and uppers. Just a short one, but complete with the full body dance, booty shake and waving hands. I'm six feet tall people.
Hubbend says-which I hadn't realized-to me, "The stupid thing ran across my foot and I didn't scream!"
I narrow my eyes, bite my tongue, and try to think of something to say. I think of this:
Once in college I closed the bathroom door behind me and was immediately accosted by a mouse trying to attack me. It took me a few seconds to realize it just wanted to get out the door behind me, but in the meantime I peed my pants. I mean, that's why I was using that room. I just sort of . . . missed. Oops.
Hubbend still to this day tells this story about our first date. I can quote him verbatim because I have heard it exactly 234,456,243 times and he isn't creative in his retellings. "so, we're walking through Duke Gardens, and [insert longwinded soliloquy about the gardens] I hear this buzzing. This HUGE bee comes flying out of nowhere. I swear I could hear it trying to put on it's brakes and screaming...'OH! NOOOOO!'" Then he always plants this huge smack in the middle of my forehead, because that is indeed where the stupid thing splatted. I was a memorable first date as I demonstrated my gargantuan little girl dance in fast forward speed. The good thing is that I don't think he could tell this story without the prop of my forehead. So, at least I'm able to mitigate the damages.
My mother standing on a chair screaming at a mouse. My mother calling a neighbor about a mouse, and then becoming horrified when the man killed it. Swearing never to be like my mother.
Finally I decide I'm not moving off of this treadmill until I've gotten back my nerve.
Hubbend smirks. I order him away with a lofty tone that bespeaks my rattled nerves. He teases me as I turn my music up too loud and ruin my eardrums. And scratch my ankles. I shoo him on his way or I'll never work up the nerve to turn off the machine and walk out of the room.
When I finally do-going a full ten minutes longer than planned-I plan my movements in my head. Like an athlete or a dancer. I'm going to grab my phone first, stop the machine, scoop up the laptop and sweep my way out the door as I yank the plug for the computer from the wall. I'm going to...
Everything went smoothly, even faster than it was supposed to. The spider survived under there, but I wasn't so sure about a mouse. I didn't want to look right now. I was sure it could wait till later. But no. As I was yanking out the cord, the stupid thing chittered at me. A long scolding one. Like I was invading IT'S space. Well, I'm sorry. I think I've been here a bit longer than you have.
I spent the rest of the day yesterday packing up my pantry and cupboards into tupperware. I have to move after all. Hubbend is holding his tongue. So there mousie. Find something to eat now!
Do you dare admit to your worst house pests?
*special thanks to MrsFatass for laughing out loud about my peed pants, and also for suggesting I write a post about it. Hearts, Hugs, and well wishes darlin.
**photo by Katelyn Demidow Photography
It's early in the morning and I'm walking. No stopping. Nope. Just walking.
In comes Hubbend out of the blue, and for once I don't jump out of my skin. I normally do because I get up in the pitch black of night now and work out all alone for an hour. I stare into space waiting to reboot for half an hour before that, but it doesn't seem to count as exercise. So for an hour and a half, it's like I'm all alone on the planet. My own little universe. Nice.
He wants to debate about whether or not Beansprout should go to school. Really, he knows he's not allowed to make a call like that alone because I'm the one dealing with the
Something small and dark zips like a ping pong ball into the door across Hubbend's foot and under my moving treadmill. He jumps a couple feet in the air-it was quite comical.
But do I laugh? No. I'm too busy shrieking like a little girl on steroids and uppers. Just a short one, but complete with the full body dance, booty shake and waving hands. I'm six feet tall people.
Hubbend says-which I hadn't realized-to me, "The stupid thing ran across my foot and I didn't scream!"
I narrow my eyes, bite my tongue, and try to think of something to say. I think of this:
Once in college I closed the bathroom door behind me and was immediately accosted by a mouse trying to attack me. It took me a few seconds to realize it just wanted to get out the door behind me, but in the meantime I peed my pants. I mean, that's why I was using that room. I just sort of . . . missed. Oops.
Hubbend still to this day tells this story about our first date. I can quote him verbatim because I have heard it exactly 234,456,243 times and he isn't creative in his retellings. "so, we're walking through Duke Gardens, and [insert longwinded soliloquy about the gardens] I hear this buzzing. This HUGE bee comes flying out of nowhere. I swear I could hear it trying to put on it's brakes and screaming...'OH! NOOOOO!'" Then he always plants this huge smack in the middle of my forehead, because that is indeed where the stupid thing splatted. I was a memorable first date as I demonstrated my gargantuan little girl dance in fast forward speed. The good thing is that I don't think he could tell this story without the prop of my forehead. So, at least I'm able to mitigate the damages.
My mother standing on a chair screaming at a mouse. My mother calling a neighbor about a mouse, and then becoming horrified when the man killed it. Swearing never to be like my mother.
Finally I decide I'm not moving off of this treadmill until I've gotten back my nerve.
Hubbend smirks. I order him away with a lofty tone that bespeaks my rattled nerves. He teases me as I turn my music up too loud and ruin my eardrums. And scratch my ankles. I shoo him on his way or I'll never work up the nerve to turn off the machine and walk out of the room.
When I finally do-going a full ten minutes longer than planned-I plan my movements in my head. Like an athlete or a dancer. I'm going to grab my phone first, stop the machine, scoop up the laptop and sweep my way out the door as I yank the plug for the computer from the wall. I'm going to...
Everything went smoothly, even faster than it was supposed to. The spider survived under there, but I wasn't so sure about a mouse. I didn't want to look right now. I was sure it could wait till later. But no. As I was yanking out the cord, the stupid thing chittered at me. A long scolding one. Like I was invading IT'S space. Well, I'm sorry. I think I've been here a bit longer than you have.
I spent the rest of the day yesterday packing up my pantry and cupboards into tupperware. I have to move after all. Hubbend is holding his tongue. So there mousie. Find something to eat now!
Do you dare admit to your worst house pests?
*special thanks to MrsFatass for laughing out loud about my peed pants, and also for suggesting I write a post about it. Hearts, Hugs, and well wishes darlin.
**photo by Katelyn Demidow Photography
This was very funny! Although I suspect not to you at the time.
ReplyDeleteWonderful chuckle to start my day!
ReplyDeleteAnd as far as unwanted house guests: One time, about 16 or 17 years ago, I had an Amityville horror-like invasion of house flies. It was downright terrifying. There were literally thousands of them! Oh, it started slowly enough...you know, one fly here, one there. Then I'm all over the kids to exit and enter the back door quickly, cuz they are letting flies in....But the next day I get up in the morning and there are dozens of them. Holy Crap!!! Where are they coming from?!? So I do the mad hunt ALL OVER the house-upstairs, basement...the soffits around the edge of the roof, around the windows. I find nothing! No area where there are more, no clusters, nothing. And then the third day came. I was literally propping open all the doors and windows to get them out!! Thousands of them!! It was the creapiest thing I've ever seen!! I bought fly tape and sprays and you name it! There was no garbage that they were coming from, no dead critters or anything like that. I never did figure it out, but then they were gone. Dead, escaped, whatever. No more flies. Took about 3 or 4 days to get rid of all of them, but it was unbelievable!!!! Disgusting beyond words! Had the eebie-jeebies for months after that.
So there is my unwanted guest story. Don't even get me started about the ex-in-laws!
Have a good day! :)
So, when I first moved to Zambia, we lived in a hostel for a few weeks until we could get assigned housing. My (now-ex) husband had to go off one day to report to the govt. office to find out what his job assignment was going to be and he left me to take a nap as I was still experiencing pretty bad jet lag. Imagine a warm room with a fan going (no AC back then!) and me sound asleep drooling on the pillow. I wake up to see something huge that looks like it came straight out of a freaking horror movie crawling across my stomach. I jumped up and trapped it under a cup. Then I lay down and went back to sleep on the other bed because I was so tired. When he got back he woke me up and I immediately asked him to look under the cup and asked "what is that?" He turned and said, 'It's what you call in English a COCKROACH." Honestly, I don't think I slept again for the next 4 years.
ReplyDeleteUm...ok...brace yourself. Seriouslly.
ReplyDeleteHubby found a rat swimming in our TOILET the other morning.
I am NOT kidding. It crawled up our toilet and was just swimming there.
*shudder*
It took a bucket of water and 10 more flushes to get him to go BACK down the pipe. strong swimmers those damn pests.
*shudder*
I'll never pee in the dark again...ever.
Wait... so you were gonna drop on the computer on the mice's head? And please don't talk about peed pants. I've done worse... (but comment on the details)
ReplyDeleteAh! Second time in two days I've been credited with the forcing of the telling of the stories.
ReplyDeleteI have dealt with roaches and rats. Big, unafraid, city roaches and rats. Chicago. Eew. I've never been quite the same since.
I am a huge wimp when it comes to bees, wasps, yellow jackets, etc. I don't like mice, but I just set 16 traps (no kidding) until I get it. I will run like a baby if I see a wasp!
ReplyDeleteDare I call this the perfect post. Adventure, suspense and top it off with laughter! I hate the buggers, mice that is, we had a little problem in my parents house years back where i could hear the bastards in the walls...so annoying. My mom, sister and I were in the garage cleaning up and my mom picked up a box and a mouse was in there! Needless to say, my mother and sister both straight armed me out of the way to get to the garage door to get inside. The verdict--I never want to see one again. I may have stayed on the treadmill all day if I was in your position!
ReplyDeleteThis is too funny. Thank you for linking back my photo. It works perfect in this post. So glad you used it and told me where to find it! :)
ReplyDeleteI think I split a gut laughing and not just at you at him too so like a man. Well you already heard the one about my pretty girl earlier this year. Me well one morning I got up young married about three years just moved into the farm cabin that my hubbys family owned. No Glasses on and see a mass wiggleing on the floor in front of my kitchen sink the whole thing was totally fuzzy so I tracked slowly backward retrive the seers for my eyes and holy crap! A huge ball of water snakes just out of hibernation and trying to do the partnering like however they do. I didnt scream but I wanted to, the baby was asleep. Shook the hubby and he got the whole mess out. Never again did I get out of bed with out my spectacles again and I also always looked at the floor before getting out. My suggestion Sticky traps they are amazing.
ReplyDeleteGlad mrs Fatass lol too... I kinda felt bad for laughing (literally out loud) at your expense, but the visual was pretty funny ;) LOVE your blog btw.
ReplyDelete