So, since Friday I've been thinking.
I wrote that post, as a sort of therapy process. I obviously do that a lot. I wasn't thinking about anybody else, or even how the reader would interpret that.
I don't usually do that.
We are going through one of many transitions in our situation. We've started going to soccer practice/games recently. I get a LOT of crusty looks surrounding Chickadee. More than anywhere else. It puzzles me.
It hurts my feelings.
But, not as much as it would have done. The moms at the library will get used to us. Some of them will be my friends. I don't know which ones, because more than ever I'm realizing I can't predict who will react in what kind of way. Just as I never know the friendship chemistry will click between myself and any other person.
I have always had blocks to being friends with everyone. The last time I was in THE popular group was before I moved in second grade. Since then, it's been the new kid issue. Or, that I wouldn't do drugs in sixth grade. In middle school it was because I came from the poor elementary, and in high school it was my clothes and the fact that I wouldn't shun my 'weird' friends. But, all of those were choices that I made. Something that I could have done would have changed it. But I didn't, because of a choice.
What seems to be most difficult for me to grasp right now, is that there is no choice. It still ticks me off a bit, as that post probably showed, but mostly it showed that I'm baffled. I have an 'accessory' that will forever make friend gathering different.
Not necessarily worse or better. But kinda like when I got married. Making friends as a couple becomes very complicated because there are six relationships that need to go well.
Just the other day, I found myself at a park without Chickadee. I saw a little girl, with her mother that was disabled. It looked a little like Rett, maybe Cerebral Palsy, or other things. The mother felt my stare more than she looked at me. I saw the protective body language, as she unconsciously shielded her little girl from my stare, and the other people. The two of them were only there to have fun.
I wanted to ask. I wanted to befriend. I wanted to hug. But she was emotionally exhausted. All she wanted was to go to the park and let her little girl play. I could see it as plain as day, so I didn't.
She wanted desperately for me and everyone else to stop staring. But I so desperately wanted to help that I couldn't. Stop. It was horrifying to find myself imposing upon her, and inflicting discomfort and a tiny bit of pain. So I just kept staring.
What I'm saying is that nobody knows. Everyone is discourteous. It's human nature.
We all just need to remember that people want love, acceptance, and respect. No matter what. If that means space, or seclusion, or open and frank discussions, then so be it. I'm sure it's different in each and every circumstance/mood/day.
Just like all humans.
My advice? Don't try to do the perfect thing. Just try to do what you think best. Be sure to mess up fairly often.
*photo by A Fresh Perspective | Zak Metz*
Thanks so much for the comment on my blog! And I hope you'll participate in my 5K challenge.
ReplyDeleteI loved your Friday post. It made me think. And as you said, it helped you think. And that's what it's all about isn't it? Kind of teaching people to think. Step inside others shoes. Looking at the world as others see it. Putting on a different set of glasses. I guess you help us to all take a journey beyond survival ...
ReplyDeleteWow friend. That? Was honest. And I have to say I'm a little amazed that you didn't go over and talk to them. I understand why you didn't.
ReplyDeleteAnd the best advice ever - be sure to mess up fairly often.
yeah
ReplyDeletenot surprisingly I echo sue and needed to hear those last few words as some days it feels as though I do that a lot ---without reminding.
My comment on your Friday post somehow didn't got through, but in short, we went to an ice cream social recently. There was a disabled girl there with leg and arm braces (partially paralyzed from spina bifida). My and my kids had THE BEST conversation with her. I would have cheated myself had I chose to not speak. We all learned something that day about treating disable people "normal" and not acting any different then we would around other people. And I continue to learn as I visit your blog and read about your experiences. xoxo
ReplyDeleteAmazinly insightful and too true. You say is it all so well and I really love that. I now get to reach out and talk to all the Moms of these beautiful children sent here to help us learn to get out of our selves and touch each other in a sense. I hope they can see that I want to be their friend too. Now if I can just get all my children to understand the very thing that you are saying here. Then I will have succeeded in teaching compasion. Thank you for being you and like I said what a beautiful girlie.
ReplyDeleteI love you! I'll try and mess up splendidly just for you, sometime soon.
ReplyDeleteSuch an honest post and it shows us that we all mess up and sometimes we don't do our best even if we know better.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful post! I think so many people work themselves up with trying to do the "right" thing, when all anyone wants is for others to not be afraid and approach them.I don't have kids yet, but grew up with a challenged individual in elementary school and highschool. His last name was similar to mine, so all the kids teased me because they thought that he was my brother. Even at a young age, I knew that was mean and I didn't get what the big deal would be, if he was indeed my brother. There are some compassionate souls out there and some a-holes. Just of matter of sorting them out, and you seem to have a handle on that.
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