Last Monday I got some overwhelming news about Chickadee. She needs a g-tube, and we need to get everything arranged. I sighed a heavy sigh and told the nurse practitioner I would work on Hubbend to get him to come around. Turned out he wasn't as far off that idea as I'd thought. He agreed to it with a fifteen minute conversation on the way home. I told myself it's normal. Our normal anyway. It makes sense, we understand it, it is time. We've had a year to get ourselves ready, since the word g-tube first came up really.
But after I hung up the speaker phone, my irrational side could not accept what my rational mind had skipped over. That this is our normal. This is expected, it is in our life manual.
My mind was screaming.
My littlest sister already has a g-tube. I'm comfortable with idea, which is a big deal. I was comfortable with the idea of a g-tube last year actually, I just wasn't convinced of the need for it. Only one of her six specialists was pushing it and everyone was fine with waiting to see if she needed it. But now, they all are onboard.
I guess I've been mourning the end of an era. Where we can get by taking care of her with things bought at the corner market. In Smalltown, Midbest.
I'm calling the doctors in an hour or two. I don't know if they will let us wait until December, when our new insurance year starts. It would really help alleviate the financial stress. Then there's the other things that need to be done on a child like Chickadee when she is put under. Musn't waste a good anesthetic slumber.
- hearing test
- teeth cleaned
- tonsils/adenoids removed
I'm feeling a little bit better about not thinking this is normal.
BECAUSE THIS IS NOT NORMAL!
In other news, miss THANG refused to pick up the play room. Again. Per discussion last week in an identical scenario, JBS got to clean up the play room with a trash bag. Out of the ordinary, hasn't happened in two years or so.
Normal.
Beansprout bit Chickadee yesterday. She's had a lot of attention lately, and he hasn't been able to blow off a lot of steam. Completely freakish. Terrible.
Yet, Normal.
I hate laundry. I hate dishes. I liked avoiding reality and creating a random virtual store that simply looks pretty and was a lot of fun to make. I had a nice birthday. I'm not normal.
That is definitely Normal.
I'm feeling a bit better. Are you normal? Or perhaps more of an Abby something?
The fullness of your plate continues to astonish me. This is tough stuff. Chickadee (and of course your other 2) are immensely fortunate to have loving and dedicated parents. All I can do is send hugs and prayers.
ReplyDeletethoughts and prayers from TEXAS.
ReplyDeleteand awe with how you juggle it all, maintain your perspective and your humor.
Carla
Everybody has a different normal. I've told you about my dad's normal. My Aunt's normal? Not knowing where her adult daughter is for months at a time when she relapses into her crack addiction. She no longer walks the streets of Charlottes finest crack dens. Now she just waits for the phone to ring. My cousin's normal is raising her 2 year old daughter alone because her young, strong, cop of a husband died of leukemia. My former BFFs normal is having to be crazy jealous and protective of her time with her husband because she's pretty certain he cheats.
ReplyDeleteWe all have our own versions of normal. Chickadee's seems unjust. Beansprout and Miss Thang are reacting the way they are supposed to.
As are you. You are a good mom.
Normal is just a setting on your dryer. :)
ReplyDeleteWow..you sure do have a lot on your plate.
Sending prayers your way..you are a great mother!
I love what Julie said about the dryer setting:) We all have our normals and some are more "normal" than others. Yours is certainly filled with more challenges than mine but I also hear the love and companionship and other great pieces that are part of your normal. Sorry about the g-tube.
ReplyDeleteI don't feel like I'm in a position to say anything except for I'm praying. I hope that you are able to find peace in your normal.
ReplyDeleteOh, JBS. I can't imagine how much pressure you are feeling. HUGS and prayers for wisdom while you make these difficult decisions.
ReplyDeleteThat's some tough stuff. You have every right to get mad about it. It's just not fair that these things happen to children. I have a 2 year old son who has low tone and neurological episodes that are like seizures. I get mad every single time he (we) has to go through it. Our normal is Pt, Ot, Neurology visits, early intervention, orthotics, etc. His difficulties are not nearly as pronounced as your chickadee's, but I totally get the anger and sadness of realizing that this is not how things are supposed to be. It's not fair, not at all, but you are handling it beautifully.
ReplyDeleteI too love the statement that "normal is a just a setting on your dryer"! So true. Everyone has their own "normal" and sometimes situations dictate that we create a "new normal". We mourne the loss of our old life, but have to push forward and have the knowledge and strength to accept those things we can not change. As much as it may suck. Good luck with every "new normal" you have to create. The kids will follow your lead. And after reading MrsFatass' comment, I'm thinking we may be related!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that this is your normal. You have such a great attitude and outlook on life. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteThree times in 18 months with the deaths of my brother-in-law, my boss, and my sister-in-law I had to redefine normal.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Mrs. FatAss - everyone has a different normal. I'm pretty sure none of us would want anyone else's because we look at that and think "I could never handle THAT."
Whatever your normal is, I know you'll find your way through it. Glad to know your husband is on your side.
Your personal normal is being a wonderful mother who is able to deal with all of this PLUS your own issues. And while that normal does seem, MrsFatass put it, UNJUST, you have also been given the capability to handle it, which is kind of a backwards blessing. I myself have said many a time - I Know Heavenly Father only gives us what he knows we can handle, I just wish he didn't have so much faith in me.
ReplyDeleteSending hugs and prayers your way !
ReplyDeleteYou have a lot on your plate for sure, but I have no doubt that you are strong and everything will work out. God will provide and take care of your little Chickadee.
As for me and normal.. Well I'm not sure! LOL
Breathe. Hugs !
xoxo
ReplyDeleteI am definitely Abby something. (The something is TBD.) Personally, I’ve always thought of normal as a four-letter word.
ReplyDeleteMaybe your life doesn’t get to be normal, because you are phenomenal.
I am still trying to find what my new normal is...no luck so far....sounds like you have your hands full, but from what I have seen, that is normal. You are amazing, and your normal would put so many people under...love and hugs to you!
ReplyDeleteNormal is what you make it...and actually maybe normal is boring. I like you better abnormal....it makes you unique and I happen to love that about you. Will you do a post on a gtube? I want to know more about it if you'd oblige. I think your normal looks good on you. And normal or not - if I can be half the mother you are on your bad days...well, that'll be something.
ReplyDeleteWhat is normal anyway?
ReplyDeleteThings never stay the same, life is always changing, new things are thrown at us all the time.
Since I am a glass half full kind of person, let's be grateful for g-tubes that save lives and that Chickadee has that option when she needs it.
I continue to pray for you and your family as you move forward each day with challenges and difficult choices.
I don't know if this means anything, but you're amazing. Even in the midst of feeling like it's falling apart...you're shining.
ReplyDeleteThere is really no such thing as normal is there? It should be taken out of the English language. Let's just remove it. Love and hugs from Down Under. L
ReplyDelete