Staring at Beansprout-who has grown six inches in two months-I marvel at his height. I just gave birth to the boy. Five years seems like nothing.
"Look at me Mommy! I can reach it now. Cause I'm tall enough."
After the requisite pumping of his fledgling ego, I stared at him. He is probably about a third of his adult height. It's absolutely amazing.
Right now, there are bumps in the road.
In more ways than one. Beansprout has temper tantrums. I have problems not eating my emotions. Seems we're both working on getting ourselves under control.
But we will. One day at a time. When Beansprout demands a full grown St. Bernard, or begs to jump off the roof like his favorite hero for a zillion hours, it's tempting to revert to insanity. Only when I refuse to become involved in the drama am I able to steer him clear of a bigger meltdown.
It's very interesting. No bargaining. No threatening. Just a calm low voice. Making clear standard expectations. What we've been talking about for eternity.
It seems to be hypnotic. When I make behavior something that exists-completely separate of mood-it is easier for Beansprout to behave. He is still upset. He still desperately wants. But he is in control of himself again.
We mess up of course. All the time. But it's not like you can just give up on a human being. I mean really. Who cares if it was me that yelled like a banshee or Beansprout was pushed past hunger and tiredness to the brink of inhumanity. Time keeps rolling and more opportunities present themselves.
Beansprout is going to grow up. What matters is in the river of life is the current on my toes. Not the waterfall downstream, nor the log about to give way upriver.
So. Put the cupcake down and move it.
Treasure every temper tantrum and every horrid moment. They're a part of the process and according to my mom, the house got extremely quiet when I grew up. She didn't like that.
ReplyDeleteMan, kids grow fast.
That is a lot of growing! I am impressed with how you can simply calm the tantrums. Jess is right... they grow up fast! Although some days it seems they can't get there fast enough:)
ReplyDeleteYou don't give up on them, you don't give up on yourself.
ReplyDeleteIt's so interesting that Jess said what she did in her first comment. For some reason over the last few days, I've been missing the days when all the kids were still at home and noise and chaos were the rule of the day. So true that things get very quiet and different when they're grown and gone. It's great having one at home for the summer, but I think it's even a little weird for him!
ReplyDeleteThat said, I remember times when it seemed like the custodial care of young ones seemed endless and I couldn't wait "for the next phase". Your sudden awareness of Beansprout's increasing height is a preview of the blink of an eye that their growing up becomes!
I'm hanging in with you!
It is so hard not to react to the tantrums, though! My hubby and I went to hear a man speak about child behavior once, and the thing that really stuck out was "they want to make you dance. There is nothing more entertaining than watching you dance." They are trying to make you react for their own pleasure. So I strive to not get worked up and give them what they want. SO HARD.
ReplyDeleteok, I never thought of things this way. Usually I'm just trying to manage the chaos and tempter tantrums that I don't even think about how they compare to me!
ReplyDeleteand i love your last line! Thanks! :)
I LOVE YOU MORE!!!! Your posts and comments ALWAYS ENCOURAGE me!!! Thanks mama!
ReplyDeleteI just can't wait anymore to be a mama! That's that.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure it's much easier to yell and holler, but your calm and tactful manner will pay off tremendously. :)
ReplyDeleteThe other day my son was talking about when he wears big boots like his daddy... oh man! I can wait for that. They grow too fast. My daughter will be 6 yrs old in 10 days... Oh my. Time flies that's for sure.
ReplyDeleteGreat post. :)
I work on this all the time since there are so many and they go through the same stages at varying times. We always have time out outside on the deck because they do not get to damage our ears with thier noise. Some figured it out really quick and get back into control quickly, others well it took few more outside moments to control thier little spirits. Mom and Dad sometimes need the timeouts also especially when it's been a rough tough emotional or tireing day. Keep up the calm voice you are my hero. I tend to start the yell if there is not a response. I get to work on that always.
ReplyDeleteOK, now you've done it -- you made me cry!
ReplyDelete" Who cares if it was me that yelled like a banshee or Beansprout was pushed past hunger and tiredness to the brink of inhumanity. Time keeps rolling and more opportunities present themselves. . . . What matters in the river of life is the current on my toes."
I also love the allusion to forgiving ourselves. So true, so important, so hard.
I would love to meet both you and beansprout. I think you have an excellent handle on things. This is my first visit here but I'll be back. I hope you are having a great day. Blessings...Mary
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written! Are you writing a book? You really should.
ReplyDeleteBeansprout is lucky to have you as his mom.
Thing One and I go around and around. He's strong willed and emotional and, well, so am I. And I forget to use YOUR voice - the one that teaches appropriate behavior separate from emotion - and I often fall into the OTHER voice. The mean mommy one. And I'm generally pretty sure I'm messing him up all the time.
ReplyDeleteSo. Today I'm going to start over. Try again. Do my best. Thanks for the post about your wonderful Beansprout.
Awww!!! Sweet!!! Beansprout is lucky to have you as his mummy. I'm glad you were able to manage your and his feelings in such a productive way.
ReplyDelete