Being Sunday, I usually talk about Sunday things.
This health journey is different from the others. My life is utterly and completely beyond my own control. In most ways. Before I had the illusion of control. This-of course-led to my bipolar manic phase in which I was pushed into psychosis. Pretending that I can control the world spells disaster. Remember that.
When Chickadee was finally diagnosed and it was evident that I was not delusional in that regard I gave up. It was as though I'd given up the weight of the world and needed to rest.
Truth is I didn't even need to feel like I was holding back the tide. Letting go has made all the difference in my life. That and prayer. I'm living in the moment now, because it's all the certainty I've got. I believe in letting go.
I can't write the cliche sayings here. The ones that belong. I'm not grateful for trials. I would never ever EVER wish these things on anyone. I do not feel like we are special or privileged. That honestly feels absurd.
What I do know is this: we are developing traits and characteristics that I love. Beansprout holds open doors better than anyone I know. Including adults. Chickadee is more mature than I am. Miss THANG is compassionate and empathetic. Hubbend is a MAN. I am letting go of my people pleasing ways.
So in our life and our philosophy we are grateful. Not for our curses-we ARE learning to tolerate them-but for our blessings. In my religious beliefs, this means that I am praying to my Heavenly Father in thanks for the little things. For Beansprout cuddling with me at church. For Chickadee falling asleep in my arms a comfortable marshmallow. For love.
Does spirituality affect your well being? How about love?
I love the way you said that you ARE NOT grateful for the trials, but that you all are developing traits and characteristics that you love. I know I love them and you.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful post! To me it describes a healthy life. Not an unrealistic one, not an ignorant one. Not an in-denial one.
ReplyDeleteI especially related to this: "Pretending that I can control the world spells disaster. Remember that."
It has taken me a long time to figure out how I feel about God, religion, and spirituality. In fact, I spent a lot of time not wanting to believe in anything because it just didn't make any sense to me. And then I read "Eat Pray Love" and in particular this passage:
"God dwells within you as you yourself, exactly the way you are. God isn't interested in watching you enact some performance of personality in order to comply with some notion you have about how a spiritual person looks or behaves. We all seem to get this idea that, on order to be sacred, we have to make some massive, dramatic change of character, that we have to renounce our individuality......To know God, you need only to renounce one thing: your sense of division from God. Otherwise, just stay as you were made, within your natural character."
And now it makes sense :-)
I am personally not a spiritual person, but I admire and respect that in others. I am glad you have that for comfort in your life. And I admire your philosophy as you write about it in this post - that you are finding the things that you can be thankful for in all that life has thrown at you.
ReplyDeleteBrilliant writing JBS! When do start writing a book? You really should, you are gifted in this way.
ReplyDeleteI completely understand what you are saying. We have had some trials in our life that I can not write about here, but I would never say that we are grateful for what happened. Like you were learned some life lessons and some new coping skills from it.
I can not imagine going through life with out my spiritual beliefs in God and the love of family and friends. We were made to be relational people. We even find the connections via words over the internet a comfort.
The passage that Karen shared from
Eat Pray Love is amazing. I think I need to read that book!
Beautiful. I can't add to what others have said. I've come to believe that we aren't human beings having a spiritual experience; we're spiritual beings having a human experience. Part of the eternal continuum of life force and energy that is formed by love, connection and being along side one another in this temporal existence.
ReplyDeleteThe quoted passage from Eat, Pray, Love is fantastic. I read it long ago. Perhaps it's time for a revisit.
I am not to the point of being grateful for our trials either. I am not grateful that my oldest daughter has scoliosis that will require surgery and type 1 diabetes and a genetic disease which will curb her physical activity as she gets older. But I am grateful for the maturity and sense of responsibility that she possesses that has allowed her to live with these things with nary a complaint. I know that there are good things that come from the trials, but I wouldn't call the whole experience a blessing. It sounds like you are doing well and just giving thanks to Heavenly Father where you can. where you can.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for writing this . . . it is exactly what I needed to read/hear today.You are wonderful. xoxo
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ReplyDeleteI love where you are today! Beautiful!
Hello, Mrs. Inspiration. Come fetch an award I left you on my blog.
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I am forwarding this to my friend that will love this and need this today. So well written. Thank you for this,
ReplyDeleteKristin
Peaceful and well said. I am usually grateful when it's over but that I have learned is not to be, if so wouldn't we then be twinkled and be living with Heavenly Father. Thankful that is key to letting go I think.
ReplyDeleteYou're an amazing, strong woman. I watched the video about Rett and there are just no words. Being grateful for every small thing in our lives is wise, wise advice. Thank you for this beautiful post.
ReplyDeleteBeauifully written. I too love who we are becoming due to the challenges we face with ALL our children and even with the demons within:) I love my life, kookiness and all and I am eternally grateful for my Father's love, trust and grace. Without that eternal bond and vision, it would be pit-filled road indeed. I pray for you. And I love you!
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