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and Weigh-In #15



Current weight: 198.6 lb.
Difference: +1.8 lb
BMI: 27.7
Difference: -0.2 (from three weeks ago the last time I did this)

You know what? I'm good with that. Maybe a bit too good. Right now I'm relieved. Hubbend's Daddy passed away about 24 hours ago. Hubbend and I have finally talked-but not before I overate on breadsticks and pizza-and I fished down into his soul. Really and truly he is fine and at peace. He wants me to stay home. I can breathe easy now.

All the guilt is gone and I can call my mum and feel just fine about telling her I'm staying home. I'm not mad or rebellious anymore. But I do have a craving for creamy, buttery, sugary. Pancakes. Or made-from-scratch frosting (I will stab you with a fork if you try to take some). That full to heartburn feeling seems to be what I'm aching for.

I wonder why.

I feel strangely clinical and scientific about it. It is helping me dissect my emotional self. That's good.

Today I'm going to just get on the treadmill and stay there for a while. I'm going to get the house cleaned up. Again. And hope that the avalanche doesn't crush through the closet door. Just kidding. I'm trying to cut through the clutter so that I can deep clean. You know, sanitize the floors and such.

How do you stay away when you are unplugged from reality? Mmmm butter. Seriously. That's what I've got.
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Comments

  1. JourneyBeyondSurvivalApril 17, 2010 at 8:18 AM

    DADGAMBIT!!!

    *picture from Heaven`s Gate (John)*

    ReplyDelete
  2. Marisa @Loser for LifeApril 17, 2010 at 8:47 AM

    Sorry about your FIL:( Glad that you feel good about your decision. You and hubs know what's right for your family. Moms are great, but sometimes they just gotta let us live our own lives. Hehehe, can you tell that to my Mom for me???

    Clean, treadmill, made from scratch frosting... sounds like a perfect day ;)


    HUGS to you!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Karen@WaistingTimeApril 17, 2010 at 9:12 AM

    I'm sorry:( I am sure it is never easy to lose someone, even when you know it is coming.

    I am glad that you are feeling good about your decision. Now the eating thing... sometimes it just darn fills a need. But maybe the treadmill can do that instead. I know I always feel better after exercise and, unfortunately, worse after emotional eating. Sigh.

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousApril 17, 2010 at 9:34 AM

    Go easy on yourself right now. You're dealing with so much... Spend some time on the treadmill, but don't think too much about food.

    I'll be sending internet hugs your way. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help.

    ReplyDelete
  5. HelenApril 17, 2010 at 10:21 AM

    Of course you're wanting to satisfy SOMETHING, which is why you're thinking of foods that comfort you. I have faith in you JBS, I know you will figure out a way.

    ReplyDelete
  6. ♥ Drazil ♥April 17, 2010 at 10:59 AM

    My thoughts are with you hun!

    ReplyDelete
  7. AnonymousApril 17, 2010 at 11:36 AM

    Sorry for youf loss. I'm glad you are feeling confident with your decisions though. Your clarity is so healthy!!

    By the way, thanks for going to bat for me on my blog. I almost deleted "anonymous" then thought...no I'll add my own response and leave it.

    These blogs are for support not hate and some people don't seem to get that.

    ReplyDelete
  8. TamiApril 17, 2010 at 3:47 PM

    So sorry to hear about your FIL.

    What a relief to know that hubby is fine with you staying at home. No guilt so you can move on with your day knowing all is well and right with your choices.

    Now about that frosting, butter, sugar and pancakes! I think the treadmill is a really good choice!

    Hope you have a good day.

    ReplyDelete
  9. MissaApril 17, 2010 at 5:16 PM

    Oh heart, if one should say to you that the soul perishes like the body, answer that the flower withers, but the seed remains. ~Kahlil Gibran

    I am sorry for your family's loss. I know it is so easy to turn to things like chocolate frosting, but try to take the time to honor yourself in a different way.

    Hugs,
    Missa
    LosingEthel

    ReplyDelete
  10. AnonymousApril 17, 2010 at 5:35 PM

    Hooray for intellectualization and other healthy coping mechanisms! :3 And lately, staying unplugged from reality comes in the forms of good books, movies, games, or anime--best watched with friends so you can either mock it or help each other figure out what in the world is really going on.

    ReplyDelete
  11. KristinaApril 17, 2010 at 8:30 PM

    Im sorry to hear about your father in law. I have missed so much of your blog the last couple of weeks, and from this post, it looks like Im going to have to go back and do some reading. Hope staying home is a good thing (again, will have to find out the why). Im home too and for me....when Im unplugged from reality.....I reach for chocolate (unfortunately!).

    ReplyDelete
  12. AnonymousApril 18, 2010 at 1:36 AM

    Sorry to hear about you father in law, that's tough news.

    And thanks, as always, for your support on my blog.

    ReplyDelete
  13. KCLAnderson (Karen)April 18, 2010 at 3:13 PM

    So sorry for your family's loss...

    Your awareness is such a gift...

    ReplyDelete
  14. Christie FarrarApril 18, 2010 at 5:30 PM

    Glad to hear that your husband and you talked it out :) its hard to communicate but I think we worry about it too much and we should just learn to say whats on our minds so we can sort it all out.

    I just did all my laundry this weekend ALL of it and now will be deep cleaning as well. Something about scrubbing something clean to the point of mirror finish when you are not sure what else to do is rewarding.

    ReplyDelete
  15. TitanThirteenApril 18, 2010 at 11:38 PM

    I hear ya about being unplugged from reality while trying to cope with it. Just take one minute at a time [[hug]]

    ReplyDelete
  16. UnknownApril 19, 2010 at 1:10 PM

    I'm very sorry for your loss.

    ReplyDelete

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