Since I feel the need to post this sometime, I'll do it today.
This is the anniversary.
A year ago tomorrow my nephew died. He was seven months old. He had an undiagnosed heart condition. It was terrifying for my family. He was so young. It was horrifying for me. Two months before his parents thought Chickadee had the same thing as their son. She didn't, but there was no way to know for sure at the time.
A year ago this week is when my Chickadee's right hand stopped working the way she wanted it to. For good. I remember because when I flew out to my nephew's funeral it was the first time I got comments about it. Why was she touching her hair over and over? Did she have a pinched nerve? Did she have headaches? I didn't mind. Much. They seemed logical questions to me.
Anniversaries of tragedies are difficult. Hubbend planned a wonderful evening. He made reservations weeks in advance for a romantic dinner at our favorite expensive restaurant on Valentine's Day. Just as we were exchanging cards we were interrupted by a phone call. My mother NEVER calls me. I call her, all the time. She is just of the mindset that long distance is too expensive to use.
We were expecting a death in the family that year. Both grandmothers were ill and one was on hospice. Hubbend's father has cancer. We even budgeted for it. Still, I think I will always have a little twinge when I remember saying-upon seeing my mother's name on the caller ID-"Who died? She never calls."
It might ease with time. But for me . . . Valentine's Day will never be the same.
I'm sorry to hear about the tragic loss of your nephew a year ago.
ReplyDeleteLoss is painful, but when it's a baby or young person I think the hurt lingers longer. I'm sorry for the ache that is in your heart today.
ReplyDeleteOH, I am so sorry!!!! That is absolutely a horrible thing to go through. As a mom, scary moments that include a child, ours or not can set off something in you that will never be the same. When my oldest was 7wks old my 9wk old cousin died with no explanantion. So, I completely understand the fear, anxiety, sorrow, and panic that runs through your mind. It is the absolute worst thing when child dies, at any age. Time will not necessarily heal your pain or quiet your fears but it will but some distance to the feelings so that you can have a lil peace with it. Try and enjoy your day with your husband. Maybe make it a day to celebrate your family instead of just you and your husband.
ReplyDeletei'm so sorry. i can't even imagine.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry...I hope that in posting this, you will feel better and find the comfort that you need. I am so in love with my baby nephew...I can't imagine losing him. My thoughts and prayers are with you this weekend. Oh, and I love your new heading at the top of your blog!
ReplyDeleteI'm feeling for you as my family is fast approaching an anniversary like this. I do believe that time TEMPERS things and while Valentine's Day will never be exactly the same - there will always be "before" and "after" - one day you will be able to celebrate the love of that nephew.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. I too can't even imagine what that's like for a family. Unfortunately, my neice's little girl (5 years old) is really sick and our family is going to have it tough. I never thought our family would have to deal with something like this.... then I read your post and I know we'll get through this.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your before and after post. I don't even know how to plan for easter and holidays.
Thank you all. It actually was pretty therapeutic to write this out. I also had a bouquet of flowers to my sister, so they would know that others remember. I think I was more upset about it when I ordered the flowers, just thinking about what my baby sister has gone through.
ReplyDelete@Roxie- thank you.
@Lisa "One Mom's Weight Loss"-I think we definitely feel more keenly the loss of opportunity.
@lor- Yes, it was difficult. I was convinced my daughter did not have the same thing. But when 50 relatives ask you a question over and over, it becomes more difficult to maintain the certainty.
@liz- Lost possibilities and hopes are painful.
@Julie V.- I actually did get a lot of comfort from posting this. Thank you for your prayers, and thanks for the compliment!
@Helen- You will get through. Things may slip around and staying on a semblance of diet might get a little slimey. But, life has a way of marching on. Peace does come with time. My prayers go to your family.
@Paula Rodriquez- You will get through. Bawl your eyes out when you need to. There's nothing worse than running dry.
Thanks again to all of you. This blog has been such a wonderful healing place for me. Thanks for being there.
I, too, am very sorry for the pain you feel today. My prayer for you is that God will comfort you in a way that you have never been comforted before. I also pray that he would allow me to carry this burden with you. You are a dear friend. I mean it...from the bottom of my heart! Blogging, for me, is more than weight loss talk. It's also about healing. Let me know if there is any way that I can be here for you!!! <3 ya mama!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that Valentine's Day is associated with such a terrible event for you, I can definitely relate. A few years ago we had a close family member pass away from cancer at far too young an age and when the end was imminent, it looked like she was going to pass on either her brother's birthday, my wife's birthday, or my daughter's birthday. The end fell on a day closely in between the birthdays, but thankfully not one on them.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry about the loss and health issues your family has faced this last year. Things always seem to happen like that when we least expect them to.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I love your "monster" post!
so sorry for your loss
ReplyDeletelosing a little one in the family just never seems to get easier
it just doesnt seem right
i hope you are doing okay though
i know its been a year but you should still cry when you need to