Written in advance, since I'm traveling 3.5 hours, checking in, and helping plaster Chickadee with glue and electrodes.
Beansprout is going to be five in a month. Lately the constant refrain of my existence is "Pull up your pants!"
Hubbend and I have begun an extensive evaluation of the problem. We do not want to have a juvenile delinquent on our hands. I have tightened his 'adjustable' waistbands until the elastics are straining from the bulge of fabric gathered upon it. His little hips have red marks sometimes from his pants being a little too tight. Given the warning flier above, I would be $250,000 in the hole before lunch. *Not counting the times where I shake my head and roll my eyes* Given that even through all these measures I can still see the plumber's crack, I have concluded that the problem is anatomical.
Flatt Butt. Yes. Beansprout has no hips, no bum, and no belly. I swear this whole saggy pants thing was caused by the exact same genetic defect in some kid years ago. He didn't mean to start the trend, his pants just wouldn't [couldn't] stay up.
The only thing I can conclude is that he needs an implant of some kind. Would it be so terrible if I were to use the industrial strength velcro on his backside? His father suggests snap or button implants. I know-it made me shudder too.
I have come up with the perfect solution. Once I have lost all the weight I need to, I will donate. Yes, those saddlebags that are just a part of my anatomy can be sucked out and injected into his upper *hem* giving him the needed curvature required to keep up pants. This harmful defect really is a tragedy, and I will be doing the whole world a service.
Beansprout is going to be five in a month. Lately the constant refrain of my existence is "Pull up your pants!"
Hubbend and I have begun an extensive evaluation of the problem. We do not want to have a juvenile delinquent on our hands. I have tightened his 'adjustable' waistbands until the elastics are straining from the bulge of fabric gathered upon it. His little hips have red marks sometimes from his pants being a little too tight. Given the warning flier above, I would be $250,000 in the hole before lunch. *Not counting the times where I shake my head and roll my eyes* Given that even through all these measures I can still see the plumber's crack, I have concluded that the problem is anatomical.
Flatt Butt. Yes. Beansprout has no hips, no bum, and no belly. I swear this whole saggy pants thing was caused by the exact same genetic defect in some kid years ago. He didn't mean to start the trend, his pants just wouldn't [couldn't] stay up.
The only thing I can conclude is that he needs an implant of some kind. Would it be so terrible if I were to use the industrial strength velcro on his backside? His father suggests snap or button implants. I know-it made me shudder too.
I have come up with the perfect solution. Once I have lost all the weight I need to, I will donate. Yes, those saddlebags that are just a part of my anatomy can be sucked out and injected into his upper *hem* giving him the needed curvature required to keep up pants. This harmful defect really is a tragedy, and I will be doing the whole world a service.
LOL! My son always wore his pants baggy like that and I spent most of my time around him saying "pull up your pants". Arrghh! Thankfully he now wears a belt! Good luck today with Chickadee, your in my prayers!
ReplyDeletelol!!!!
ReplyDeleteHaha! I have a 12 year old that happens to. Flat butt wears belts all the time though!
ReplyDeleteYou are a nut! That post seriously made me laugh out loud! Thanks for that. Your post yesterday was very thought provoking. Hmmm...I am not sure what I think yet. Is it possible that you have been surrounded by people who have chosen to bring you down rather than build you up? Sometimes, if those people have existed, but are no longer around....we take on the role that they had for us. Does this make sense?
ReplyDelete"Pants on the ground, pants on the ground, looking like a fool with your pants on the ground!" hahaha!
ReplyDeleteThank GOD I have a girl. Of course, I have the same problem...just on the other end: TOO MUCH CLEAVAGE. I'm constantly telling her to "cover it up" or "put the girls away." Ugh.
ReplyDeleteHow funny!!!
ReplyDeleteLOL, wouldn't that be nice if we could? My two littlest have that same problem.
ReplyDelete@Kristina & Nikki- Sadly a belt just makes the red welts worse, and the potty dance disastrous. I hope-so much-that when he is older this will work.
ReplyDelete@BEE & Fit Mommy- XD
@Corletta- Laughter is good, no? re: people around me. Other than a rather acidic verbal relationship with my parents-which is now meticulously managed-people are treating me better than ever. Having a special needs child has taught me how to stick up for anything. These people are only saying what they truly think because they don't know my diagnosis. I prefer to know their real"ness" for now. I guess it's really me not respecting myself. So, I guess in the end what you said DID make sense. Thanks.
@KatDoesDiets-Wouldn't it be nice to just trade?
@Julie V.- :P hee hee hee. Don't tell Beansprout.
ReplyDeleteJust today, my almost 5 year old spent half the day either hiking up his pants or having someone in the family tell him to pull them up! I've tried using belts but he hates wearing one, turning the waistband over. I really need to break out the sewing machine and fix them once and for all!
ReplyDeleteI too would owe about a million dollars - especially since I've got 7 kids, 5 of whom are boys!
LOL. Two of my four needed husky sizes (cinched in a bit, tho) when they were younger and the other two needed slim sizes. Made hand-me-downs VERY complicated! But..old navy had both husky and slim WITH those elastic adjustable dealies....so it somehow worked out. The big two now just wear regular mens sizes...not big, not small....just regular.
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of being able to donate some of my butt and thights to those who are under-endowed!